Coach Critical of Drawing

A week to forget for Crimea River ended with a 1-1 draw against The Kings and a group of angry fans demonstrating against head coach Ithaqua's decision to continually put youth match experience before results.

The visitors almost got off to an ideal start but Jamie Sinclair hit his shot too close to Lukasz Fabianski. Soon after Tomas Rosicky hit a powerful drive just wide for the home side before Vivién Tchameni lashed home a powerful volley on 11 minutes to put the home side 1-0 up.

The remainder of the first half was one way traffic as Albert Mojnár hit the post, Andrei Arshavin and Tomas Rosick both narrowly missed and Arshavin hit his now traditional freekick into row Z. Take that 19 form freekick specialist.

The term 'Game of two halfs' is bandied about a lot these days, but possibly never truer than the second half going son at the Theatre of Tragedy where the home side, having played their guests off the park for 45 minutes, continued to play their guests off the park but managed to add a staggering no more chances to the six created in the first half.

The visiting side however, despite only managing to touch the ball about once, created four. As the time passed and River failed to increase their lead a palpable sense of disquiet pervaded the home support as first Allan 'boom-boom' Acker-'lacker '-boom and then Sinclair both went close to equalising either side of an injury to Calum Jeeves.

The visiting side did eventually find their equaliser when referee Al Beback awarded a penatly which Gary Stevens cooly slotted past Fabianski. In Barcelona a raucous crowd displays their dissatisfaction with the waving of a white hanky, the rugged poultry farmers of Crimea are far less subtle as, to a man, they rose and waved their cocks in the direction of the River dug-out.

Post match River head coach Ithaqua continued his attempts to introduce a bit more culture to the Invitational, eschewing his traditional method of press conference and commenting via the medium of interpretive dance.

What followed was an marathon 72 hour press conference as the unusually lithe head coach summarised the 90 minute match in mere 9 hour routine capturing both the beauty of the game, his delight at River's first half performance and his disappointment at the number of decisions that went against his side.

The epic show also included a heartfelt 63 hour apology to managers who may have found recent banter little more that rabble rousing, set to a medley of Strass 'Blue Danube Waltz' and The Prodigy's 'Smack My Bitch Up'. A routine so beautiful seventeen reporters were reduced to tears, three re-affirmed their belief in a higher being and one to question the banality and futility of existence.