Viking Land News
The Vikings are now focusing on training hard in anticipation of the new season, the champs will now have to get used to being the team to beat rather than in previous seasons seen as a bit of an underdog, the squad has very much stayed the same and we are confident we can again compete in what will prove to be an even more competitive division this season
Thursday, 29 April 2010
Talinmer exposed for what he really is!
Again, after another week of scandal, skullduggery and sexualised secrecy...the Pink Bus manager has yet more revelations to unleash upon the unsuspecting public of the RMI.
The Riders pranced into the press room displaying his brand new Little Bo Peep outfit complete with pigtails.
"Look, get your eyes off my legs and listen to what I have to say you shower of queers!" he boomed
"Well, it would appear that the RMI admin team has grown yet again this week. After the shock announcement made by myself last week that Ithaqua had joined the bummers office...I now have news of a new member" he teased
"This week in the Scribble, I was involved in a conversation with Abu Dhabi gaffer Men-in-me. He claimed to work for "various government entities" I decided to find out the meaning of this statement and travelled to Yankland to find out more. It took me a matter of hours to find out who Men-in-me works for...he works for the RMI FBI dept"
"What does FBI stand for?" squealed a naked and aroused ex-BBC newsreader Trevor McDonald.
"That is a fair question Trev, let me tell you. FBI stands for....wait for it...I was disgusted when I heard this...it stands for...Finger Bottys Intensely dept.
That is right people, the RMI has a department specifically tasked to finger the bottoms of the gentlemen of this league! Men-in-me is the head of this department and he oversees the fngering on a daily basis, he even takes part when he sees a manager he really likes"
"Pour example, we all know Ithaqua obtained the random (decided months ago he would get this) VIP prize this month for one of the competitions. Well, I have since learned that Ithaqua had to travel to Yankland to get his fingering. The fingering tells the RMI head noncers, Eagles and Nobbinmebum, how supple their new member is and what degree of force they should use when they give the new member their first noncing back at RMI HQ"
"I discovered documentation proving that Men-in-me carried out the deep and intense fingering of Ithaqua to ensure he was ready to join the admin team. Ithaqua travelled to the FBI dept head office, bent over, and took fingers of increasng size in his man-hole. The results of this fingering proved Ithaqua was indeed ready to join the noncers admin team. Ithaqua then jumped on the next plane home so he could receive his first buggering"
"Cocks18 and Supergayschlongman often watch these digit-probing incidents from behind one sided mirrors. As they watch they enjoy gently cradling each other balls. Men-in-me will then go to the room where these 2 lovebirds are watching from, kiss them gently on the cheek...and allow them to take a sniff of his finger. This is awful, horrid and scandalous I am sure you will all agree" he wept
"So, anyone thinking of joining this homosexual circle of bum-lords hear this! If you join them...they will finger you...they will nonce you...and they will make you nonce others...all for their sexual gratification. If that is what you want, then fine! But if you want to stand up against these sex-criminals then join me and we can defeat them!" he roared.
"Men-in-me may look like an innocent non-VIP'er...but don't believe your eyes! He is a bottom-molestor and his fingers have blood all over them (literally as well as metaphorically)"
The Pink Bus boss then jumped from his seat, engaged in a chorus of "Girls just want to have fun" and skipped gayly out of the press room accompanied by a gentleman dressed as a gladiator.
The Riders pranced into the press room displaying his brand new Little Bo Peep outfit complete with pigtails.
"Look, get your eyes off my legs and listen to what I have to say you shower of queers!" he boomed
"Well, it would appear that the RMI admin team has grown yet again this week. After the shock announcement made by myself last week that Ithaqua had joined the bummers office...I now have news of a new member" he teased
"This week in the Scribble, I was involved in a conversation with Abu Dhabi gaffer Men-in-me. He claimed to work for "various government entities" I decided to find out the meaning of this statement and travelled to Yankland to find out more. It took me a matter of hours to find out who Men-in-me works for...he works for the RMI FBI dept"
"What does FBI stand for?" squealed a naked and aroused ex-BBC newsreader Trevor McDonald.
"That is a fair question Trev, let me tell you. FBI stands for....wait for it...I was disgusted when I heard this...it stands for...Finger Bottys Intensely dept.
That is right people, the RMI has a department specifically tasked to finger the bottoms of the gentlemen of this league! Men-in-me is the head of this department and he oversees the fngering on a daily basis, he even takes part when he sees a manager he really likes"
"Pour example, we all know Ithaqua obtained the random (decided months ago he would get this) VIP prize this month for one of the competitions. Well, I have since learned that Ithaqua had to travel to Yankland to get his fingering. The fingering tells the RMI head noncers, Eagles and Nobbinmebum, how supple their new member is and what degree of force they should use when they give the new member their first noncing back at RMI HQ"
"I discovered documentation proving that Men-in-me carried out the deep and intense fingering of Ithaqua to ensure he was ready to join the admin team. Ithaqua travelled to the FBI dept head office, bent over, and took fingers of increasng size in his man-hole. The results of this fingering proved Ithaqua was indeed ready to join the noncers admin team. Ithaqua then jumped on the next plane home so he could receive his first buggering"
"Cocks18 and Supergayschlongman often watch these digit-probing incidents from behind one sided mirrors. As they watch they enjoy gently cradling each other balls. Men-in-me will then go to the room where these 2 lovebirds are watching from, kiss them gently on the cheek...and allow them to take a sniff of his finger. This is awful, horrid and scandalous I am sure you will all agree" he wept
"So, anyone thinking of joining this homosexual circle of bum-lords hear this! If you join them...they will finger you...they will nonce you...and they will make you nonce others...all for their sexual gratification. If that is what you want, then fine! But if you want to stand up against these sex-criminals then join me and we can defeat them!" he roared.
"Men-in-me may look like an innocent non-VIP'er...but don't believe your eyes! He is a bottom-molestor and his fingers have blood all over them (literally as well as metaphorically)"
The Pink Bus boss then jumped from his seat, engaged in a chorus of "Girls just want to have fun" and skipped gayly out of the press room accompanied by a gentleman dressed as a gladiator.
Smith joins The Hitmen!
F.C. Greatness have agreed a fee from out of no where for Barnsley’s 17 defender, believed to be upwards of £ 3 million, with the player penning a long-term contract at F.C. Greatness.
The 17 year-old is currently injured for first two games of the new season following his 5 - aside game in a charity game in Dewsbury at the end of last term.
A statement on Greatness website read: "We are delighted to announce that we have reached agreement with Barnsley F.C for the transfer of Kevin Smith to the club, following the player successfully completing a medical examination and agreeing personal terms."
The Hitman manager Darren Calvert made a bid for Smith to coming to place there ageing centre-backs Agostino Bernardi , Fabian Østgård and Dunstan Valenzia are all in there mid-therties.
"I like him very much. He is young with a good future," Calvert said.
Smith, 17, joined Greatness from English club Barnsley and produced some impressive displays despite his club's relegation.
"Playing for Barsnely was a real honour in front of the supporters and him be a club that follows my hart," he said.
"But I have always said that I wanted to play in the RMI Division and that wasn't possible with Barnsley.
"It was not good for my career to be at a Championship club. I want to play in future World Cups and Europeans competitions with England.
"That is made more difficult if you are not playing at the higher level."
The 17 year-old is currently injured for first two games of the new season following his 5 - aside game in a charity game in Dewsbury at the end of last term.
A statement on Greatness website read: "We are delighted to announce that we have reached agreement with Barnsley F.C for the transfer of Kevin Smith to the club, following the player successfully completing a medical examination and agreeing personal terms."
The Hitman manager Darren Calvert made a bid for Smith to coming to place there ageing centre-backs Agostino Bernardi , Fabian Østgård and Dunstan Valenzia are all in there mid-therties.
"I like him very much. He is young with a good future," Calvert said.
Smith, 17, joined Greatness from English club Barnsley and produced some impressive displays despite his club's relegation.
"Playing for Barsnely was a real honour in front of the supporters and him be a club that follows my hart," he said.
"But I have always said that I wanted to play in the RMI Division and that wasn't possible with Barnsley.
"It was not good for my career to be at a Championship club. I want to play in future World Cups and Europeans competitions with England.
"That is made more difficult if you are not playing at the higher level."
'Goal of the Month'
Emmanuel Eboue's recent goal has been voted 'Goal of the Month' by Alan Shearer on 'Match of the Day'! As a result, Emmanuel Eboue's form goes through the roof! You will have to warn him not to keep harping on about it though as it may upset the form in the rest of the team if they end up jealous or resentful of the success! It was a wonderful side-winding, overhead bicycle kick though!
Arsenal Progress
Arsenal DB progressed to the semi finals of the pre season cup after a soild 2-0 home win over AC Milan. Brown will be looking to win the cup for the 3rd time in his first 4 seasons in the RMI, all be it with two different teams.
Up next is a massive away game against these charming men, a game not to be taken lightly at all and Brown will work hard on this one as no one wants to lose in the semis
Up next is a massive away game against these charming men, a game not to be taken lightly at all and Brown will work hard on this one as no one wants to lose in the semis
Cup lost again
Kensington Boys Club are out of the Unfair Cup after only managing to create one single chance at home versus Anime Allstars.
“This is a disgrace really. We deserve to do better for ourselves and to our fans. All five of them. I mean they marked Harry. He was as surprised as anyone when they started surrounding him every time he had the ball. He’s had 3 assists in 43 matches. We should have done better.”
“This is a disgrace really. We deserve to do better for ourselves and to our fans. All five of them. I mean they marked Harry. He was as surprised as anyone when they started surrounding him every time he had the ball. He’s had 3 assists in 43 matches. We should have done better.”
reply to Juventus
he said he was the better team but he didnt have a shot all game and yes i did have all men behind ball it was a pre season game was trying some think new god dam these newbies and yes Juventus have made new signings from a oap home hebe lucky if they are still with him next season and to the manger of Juventus i dont have anytime to waste talking to u so we do are talking on the pitch
8-1-1 the future
The Crimea River fire sale continues in earnest last week as Lukasz Fabianski, Andrey 'worst freekick taker with the Free-Kick SQ ever. Seriously' Arshavin and Tomas Rosicky all departed for parts unknown for a very large number of econs in total.
Money pre-emptively and immediately reinvested in a bunch of kids as Crimea River head coach completely ignores all reasonable advice about how the new development value works.
Still, at least River have not tried to artificially inflate the price of defenders of the market by buying up everyone available. Though head coach Ithaqua does agree that Special Ones MKII MANager Ajtrader100’s revolutionary new 8-1-1 formation is the way forward.
Money pre-emptively and immediately reinvested in a bunch of kids as Crimea River head coach completely ignores all reasonable advice about how the new development value works.
Still, at least River have not tried to artificially inflate the price of defenders of the market by buying up everyone available. Though head coach Ithaqua does agree that Special Ones MKII MANager Ajtrader100’s revolutionary new 8-1-1 formation is the way forward.
8-1-1 The new formation.
9 Defenders fight for places.
The arival of a couple of youth developments and a multi-million Econ signing have brought in a raft of defending stars, but now the side is looking a little unbalanced.
With just three strikers the side looks set to appeal to the adminstration at Xpert Eleven for the creation of a new 8-1-1 formation that would staisfy the growing hoard of defenders at The Reccy.
"5-4-1 just doesn't cut it any more, we need to be able to play to our strengths. I see a large defensive backline as the way forward this season. Wome say I may have gone overboard, but once the admin have agreed this new tactical formation we'll see who's laughing." Commented the deluded ajtrader100
The arival of a couple of youth developments and a multi-million Econ signing have brought in a raft of defending stars, but now the side is looking a little unbalanced.
With just three strikers the side looks set to appeal to the adminstration at Xpert Eleven for the creation of a new 8-1-1 formation that would staisfy the growing hoard of defenders at The Reccy.
"5-4-1 just doesn't cut it any more, we need to be able to play to our strengths. I see a large defensive backline as the way forward this season. Wome say I may have gone overboard, but once the admin have agreed this new tactical formation we'll see who's laughing." Commented the deluded ajtrader100
Cardiff City manager makes big changes
Newly appointed Cardiff City manager Stevenson has been very busy since joining the club making major changes that will hopefully take the club forward. Having started work on Thursday, the manager decided to go for his favourite lunchtime meal of cheese on toast in one of the local eateries in Cardiff. After finding that the locals actually call the dish Welsh rarebit and they smeer it with the 'sauce of the devil', the manager made a snap decision to move the club to Bristol where the locals are a little more sane. If fact, fearing for his life and the safety of the players from the cardiff hooligans, the manager has also decided to change the team name to Bristol City and share the Ashton Gate pitch with the other club of the same name. As a result of the move, all the players form has gone up, especially after the home friendly win against Real Madrid FC where the players could actually here (and understand) the chanting from the terraces.
In other news, the manager has decided to sell the clubs only moody player Marco Busquets after he stamped his feet and threw all the training balls over the wall after the manager banned ice cream on the training pitch. In a very good deal for the club, new boy Lloyd Lipscombe who came as part of the deal, has brought a bit of class to the forward line and will be a top class striker in a season or two's time. The manager has also made it clear after the further sale of Tommaso Miceli that he will consider sensible offers for any of his players as he begins to rebuild the team.
In other news, the manager has decided to sell the clubs only moody player Marco Busquets after he stamped his feet and threw all the training balls over the wall after the manager banned ice cream on the training pitch. In a very good deal for the club, new boy Lloyd Lipscombe who came as part of the deal, has brought a bit of class to the forward line and will be a top class striker in a season or two's time. The manager has also made it clear after the further sale of Tommaso Miceli that he will consider sensible offers for any of his players as he begins to rebuild the team.
Pre-Season Cup
Town News
Morley made an early exit from the pre-season cup with an unlucky 2-0 defeat to AC Milan, a very even game saw both teams playing some very catious football, neither side wanting to concede an early goal. Morley were hit by two goals from crosses which the Town defence failed to deal with and though the stats would have suggested a draw it was Milan who progressed to the next round.
Kingsley Jagger has left Morley after only one season with the club, Morley will receive 102 648 econ which has been made available by the Chairman for transfers.
Morley made an early exit from the pre-season cup with an unlucky 2-0 defeat to AC Milan, a very even game saw both teams playing some very catious football, neither side wanting to concede an early goal. Morley were hit by two goals from crosses which the Town defence failed to deal with and though the stats would have suggested a draw it was Milan who progressed to the next round.
Kingsley Jagger has left Morley after only one season with the club, Morley will receive 102 648 econ which has been made available by the Chairman for transfers.
Totaal Continue Planning
It has been a busy week at Metelo Park as Totaalvoetbal continue preparations for the new season.
Competing in the pre-season cup, Totaal have now advanced to the quarter-finals after victories against Bonkers, Rolling Thunder and ThunderCats. Old friends AFC Stanley now await them at Garden Street with Meeblind happy at how things have progressed so far.
“I’m never overly concerned with winning the competition but we have shown positive signs in certain areas. Indeed, Zlatan Izuhimovic has performed well enough to persuade me to give him a new contract at the club. He won’t be going anywhere.”
The victory against ThunderCats also gave Totaal fans their first glimpse of their new signing, Zwonko Fuckala. The impressive defender put in a steady performance and will surely add longevity to an already strong area of the side.
“The F-man has come in and settled in straight away,” opened Meeblind.
“He’s quite the character, as you’d need to be with a name like that, and finishes off our defensive plans nicely. Oggy will be leaving this week and then we’ll have to decide whether to bring in another midfielder or not.”
Competing in the pre-season cup, Totaal have now advanced to the quarter-finals after victories against Bonkers, Rolling Thunder and ThunderCats. Old friends AFC Stanley now await them at Garden Street with Meeblind happy at how things have progressed so far.
“I’m never overly concerned with winning the competition but we have shown positive signs in certain areas. Indeed, Zlatan Izuhimovic has performed well enough to persuade me to give him a new contract at the club. He won’t be going anywhere.”
The victory against ThunderCats also gave Totaal fans their first glimpse of their new signing, Zwonko Fuckala. The impressive defender put in a steady performance and will surely add longevity to an already strong area of the side.
“The F-man has come in and settled in straight away,” opened Meeblind.
“He’s quite the character, as you’d need to be with a name like that, and finishes off our defensive plans nicely. Oggy will be leaving this week and then we’ll have to decide whether to bring in another midfielder or not.”
normal training
AJ Rovers now has prepared their team for pre-season training. during the training, they will focus on attacking formation. it is because their defensive is doing okay for the last season. they only conceded 19 goals from 22 matches and it is something that they can be proud of. however, the attackers need some attention. scoring only 19 goals from 22 matches is the main reason why they cannot reach the promotion spot.
out of the cup
Crimson Tigers were played off the park and out of the cup by these charming men, it was no real surprise and shows the level of step up that the team are going to have to make if they are to have any chance of surviving in a very very tough looking division 2 next season.
terrible
So the off-season keeps on rolling over as the Bonkers wait for the beginning of the season. The cup seems to be going well for totalfootball (or that spelling I can't remember), so the team doesn't feel so bad about being knocked out by them so early on. The teams training isnt going well so if anyone wants a friendly game or two let me know!!!
Enok Vahlström backs Benfari to shine!
F.C. Greatness’s Swede legend forward Enok Vahlström has spoken about forward Martinus Benfari is seen during summer break training. Enok Vahlström believes that Benafri will still have a point to prove when he lines-up against teams in the new season.
Benafri was in a controversial row in training with the manage last season and sins then he’s looked out of shape and only two goals in hole of last season. The Italian international has responded with goals this summer break in Austria, as backed by their manager Darren Calvert with new contract. Calvert is looking for top three spot of League 1 as they push for a place in next season’s R M Invitational.
Benafri, 28, scored 38 goals for Greatness in six seasons, the all-time top-scorer with 48 assists. Scoring 8 goals in 11 games playing along side Enok Vahlström in the Division 1 title championship run, but Vahlström reckons Benafri is in a mood to make his mark in this seasons campaign.
"Martinus has been fantastic in pre-season and is looking dangerous. He has been scoring for fun again, but this will be a massive season for him," the Greatness legend added.
"He wants to prove himself again, and possibly try to become division champions again."
"It makes everything a bit more interesting, the fact that he as had poor season, and really he feels it’s a second chance to prove him self."
Greatness Brazilian defender González da Silva Rocha admits he’s been a handful in training and good luck to defenders in the league, HAHAHAHAHAHA!
F.C. Greatness seem to be looking at the 28 year old for inspiration and now wearing the no9 shirt shows the trust the manager as in him. If F.C. Greatness are to win promotion Benafri must lead the line up front and play like he as in pre-season.
Benafri was in a controversial row in training with the manage last season and sins then he’s looked out of shape and only two goals in hole of last season. The Italian international has responded with goals this summer break in Austria, as backed by their manager Darren Calvert with new contract. Calvert is looking for top three spot of League 1 as they push for a place in next season’s R M Invitational.
Benafri, 28, scored 38 goals for Greatness in six seasons, the all-time top-scorer with 48 assists. Scoring 8 goals in 11 games playing along side Enok Vahlström in the Division 1 title championship run, but Vahlström reckons Benafri is in a mood to make his mark in this seasons campaign.
"Martinus has been fantastic in pre-season and is looking dangerous. He has been scoring for fun again, but this will be a massive season for him," the Greatness legend added.
"He wants to prove himself again, and possibly try to become division champions again."
"It makes everything a bit more interesting, the fact that he as had poor season, and really he feels it’s a second chance to prove him self."
Greatness Brazilian defender González da Silva Rocha admits he’s been a handful in training and good luck to defenders in the league, HAHAHAHAHAHA!
F.C. Greatness seem to be looking at the 28 year old for inspiration and now wearing the no9 shirt shows the trust the manager as in him. If F.C. Greatness are to win promotion Benafri must lead the line up front and play like he as in pre-season.
Manager forced to speak!!
Viking Land News
After weeks of avoiding the issues Viking Land News reporters finally got hold of manager Eaglesrjh and after sobering him up they forced him into an office and got him to speak about the season thats just gone.
Well let me first say it was a great season, we did not really expect to win the title but we showed that if you believe and just keep going and have good team spirit just what can be achieved. It's an unbelievable feeling to be crowned RMI champions and forever have our name on the league intro page, as manager i'll take some credit but in truth credit goes to the players as it was those guys who won the matches.
It was an incredibly tough season this year, the rmi is filled with top managers and top teams and we would like to thank them all for a great season, special mention should of course go to RobinMeeblind and his Totaalvoetbal team, they really did push us all the way and we are sure that they will be up there and challenging again next season.
As for us we dont plan to change much for next season, why change a title winning side? Nicholas Irons has left us after limping up at the change report but unless a very good bid is received or we see a player that we feel will add real quality to the side then there are no plans for any other personnel changes at the club.
The change report was good enough for us to believe that the current squad can do well again this season, we are especially pleased with the progress of midfielder Milbourne who gained 2 skill bars, he looks a promising player for the future.
As for next season we will obviously be trying to defend the crown, but i think we are now there to be shot at whereas last season we where still seen as a bit of an underdog, 3 quality sides and managers come up from Division 1 so the Rmi will be tougher than ever. The Vikings will continue to do their best though and at least keeping a stable squad is good for the number of players who have feelings for the club and will also help with teamwork values.
Right now we are focusing on the cup and using this as an avenue to build form towards the new season, we believe this is the correct thing to do, some cash is available and some training is taking place, we believe that Justin Portway has already signalled his desire for the new season with an incredible 4 goals in one game.
In short, we are delighted to win the title, we thank and applaud all those who competed with us last season and you can bet we will be doing our best to be up there again this coming season
?
After weeks of avoiding the issues Viking Land News reporters finally got hold of manager Eaglesrjh and after sobering him up they forced him into an office and got him to speak about the season thats just gone.
Well let me first say it was a great season, we did not really expect to win the title but we showed that if you believe and just keep going and have good team spirit just what can be achieved. It's an unbelievable feeling to be crowned RMI champions and forever have our name on the league intro page, as manager i'll take some credit but in truth credit goes to the players as it was those guys who won the matches.
It was an incredibly tough season this year, the rmi is filled with top managers and top teams and we would like to thank them all for a great season, special mention should of course go to RobinMeeblind and his Totaalvoetbal team, they really did push us all the way and we are sure that they will be up there and challenging again next season.
As for us we dont plan to change much for next season, why change a title winning side? Nicholas Irons has left us after limping up at the change report but unless a very good bid is received or we see a player that we feel will add real quality to the side then there are no plans for any other personnel changes at the club.
The change report was good enough for us to believe that the current squad can do well again this season, we are especially pleased with the progress of midfielder Milbourne who gained 2 skill bars, he looks a promising player for the future.
As for next season we will obviously be trying to defend the crown, but i think we are now there to be shot at whereas last season we where still seen as a bit of an underdog, 3 quality sides and managers come up from Division 1 so the Rmi will be tougher than ever. The Vikings will continue to do their best though and at least keeping a stable squad is good for the number of players who have feelings for the club and will also help with teamwork values.
Right now we are focusing on the cup and using this as an avenue to build form towards the new season, we believe this is the correct thing to do, some cash is available and some training is taking place, we believe that Justin Portway has already signalled his desire for the new season with an incredible 4 goals in one game.
In short, we are delighted to win the title, we thank and applaud all those who competed with us last season and you can bet we will be doing our best to be up there again this coming season
?
Kilie lashes out at old friend!
The press room was again full to bursting point this morning as news leaked of an impending outburst from the Pink Bus manager. The reporters clearly could not contain their feelings of anticipation as they were all writhing naked on the floor together when the almighty Riders boss made his entrance into the room.
"Get off each other for Christ's sake. This is a press room, not a gay-loving room!" boomed the clearly irrate gaffer.
He settled into his seat and said "It is with a heavy heart that I bring you this news" mused the boss "One of my very few friends in this league has turned on me, viciously and without provocation"
"The person in question is...Ithaqua!
"Yes people, it is true. Ith has turned. We were once brothers in each others arms...we are now strangers...there is nothing between us now...the relationship has died"
"In recent days he, inexplicably, attacked my journalism skills claiming I was "a cheap hack". The reason for this attack? Well, I can only put it down to his recently acquired status of VIP. Has it gone to his head? Yes. Has he joined up with the nonce-atrons at the head of the league? Probably. Can he be trusted? Not any more".
The "random" way in which he obtained VIP status is as convincing as Cocks trying to tell us he is straight"
"it saddens me to think back on our days of happiness. We would philosophise, aong with Aj, about lifes great questions. We would obviously be naked, sometimes on a bed...but it felt so right, so pure" he wept as the words left his mouth.
" We would skip, gayly, through the fields wearing nothing but peep-hole bra's. A normal activity for any gent I am sure you will agree...but this is also now a distant memory" he wailed.
Adam Boulton of Sky News stood up to ask a question "Sir, this is unrelated to today's revelations...but can I ask...how big is your bell-end?"
"What the hell is wrong with you man? Does this look like a Q&A session on my gentleman's parts? Security, get this fuck out of my sight immedietely!"
He continued "Ithaqua, I think, must have made an alliance with the Noncing admin of the league. He will as we speak, be writing some kind of bummers poetry as he watches Eagles fudge-nudge Mr Edwards from the OAP. Or perhaps he is penning a gay-haiku as he observes Nobbin suckle from the meaty man-breasts from Carlos, the town tramp"
"Whatever he is doing, the landscape of the RMI has changed forever. I assume Ithaqua will try to defend his actions, his treacherous actions may I add...but I fear that his excuses will be feeble attempts to disguise his new found pomposity after obtaining VIP status"
"Aj, please tell me you are still with me. I need the company of a gent who understands me. Please don't leave me like Ith has. It would kill me"
The enraged boss then left his seat, kicked Eamonn Holmes in the balls and screamed "Fat Bastard" in his face.
"Get off each other for Christ's sake. This is a press room, not a gay-loving room!" boomed the clearly irrate gaffer.
He settled into his seat and said "It is with a heavy heart that I bring you this news" mused the boss "One of my very few friends in this league has turned on me, viciously and without provocation"
"The person in question is...Ithaqua!
"Yes people, it is true. Ith has turned. We were once brothers in each others arms...we are now strangers...there is nothing between us now...the relationship has died"
"In recent days he, inexplicably, attacked my journalism skills claiming I was "a cheap hack". The reason for this attack? Well, I can only put it down to his recently acquired status of VIP. Has it gone to his head? Yes. Has he joined up with the nonce-atrons at the head of the league? Probably. Can he be trusted? Not any more".
The "random" way in which he obtained VIP status is as convincing as Cocks trying to tell us he is straight"
"it saddens me to think back on our days of happiness. We would philosophise, aong with Aj, about lifes great questions. We would obviously be naked, sometimes on a bed...but it felt so right, so pure" he wept as the words left his mouth.
" We would skip, gayly, through the fields wearing nothing but peep-hole bra's. A normal activity for any gent I am sure you will agree...but this is also now a distant memory" he wailed.
Adam Boulton of Sky News stood up to ask a question "Sir, this is unrelated to today's revelations...but can I ask...how big is your bell-end?"
"What the hell is wrong with you man? Does this look like a Q&A session on my gentleman's parts? Security, get this fuck out of my sight immedietely!"
He continued "Ithaqua, I think, must have made an alliance with the Noncing admin of the league. He will as we speak, be writing some kind of bummers poetry as he watches Eagles fudge-nudge Mr Edwards from the OAP. Or perhaps he is penning a gay-haiku as he observes Nobbin suckle from the meaty man-breasts from Carlos, the town tramp"
"Whatever he is doing, the landscape of the RMI has changed forever. I assume Ithaqua will try to defend his actions, his treacherous actions may I add...but I fear that his excuses will be feeble attempts to disguise his new found pomposity after obtaining VIP status"
"Aj, please tell me you are still with me. I need the company of a gent who understands me. Please don't leave me like Ith has. It would kill me"
The enraged boss then left his seat, kicked Eamonn Holmes in the balls and screamed "Fat Bastard" in his face.
Money
St Omer today sold their most expensive player when Jörn Schöne was sold for just under 14.5M Econ.
Hopefully manager Cony Tottee was be given the cash to reinvest in both playing staff and training to try and help his side start to climb back up the divisions.
Hopefully manager Cony Tottee was be given the cash to reinvest in both playing staff and training to try and help his side start to climb back up the divisions.
Splott out of cup
AFC Boo Boy Boys kicked Splott out of the cup with a stunning comeback after going 2 goals down to the Div 1 champs. Splott were 2-0 up after 12 minutes after a blistering start but AFC recovered goals from Armstrong to make it 2-2 by half-time. Armstrong completed his hat-trick with a winner in the 91st minute. Splott manager CM said: "we are disappointed to go out early in the cup again, but all credit to Boo Boys and their manager, they will be a team to look out for next season"
Bidding time?
Pahang manager now decided to make a bidding for the critical position that might be danger next next season.
I've to re-plan my squad and biuld up some youth. I have lot of old players and i'm now thinking of starting new. It might be problem but that is long term plan. Everybody knows that.
I've to re-plan my squad and biuld up some youth. I have lot of old players and i'm now thinking of starting new. It might be problem but that is long term plan. Everybody knows that.
decisions to be made soon
The Smurf is aware that he should not wait too long now before deciding if any other players are to leave the club and also to decide if any more should come in to strengthen the side.
Cup progress has gone well with wins against Alsancak and PSV Eindhoven but up next is a much tougher test against top side AFC Stanley.
Cup progress has gone well with wins against Alsancak and PSV Eindhoven but up next is a much tougher test against top side AFC Stanley.
Gooners News
The annual awards ceremony was held at Highbury today, with FMR completing his first full season after back to back promotions... it seemed like a perfect time to catch up on all the latest gossip and events. As for the player awards, they were as follows.
Player of the season: Dennis Bergkamp
Top scorer: Thierry Henry
Young player award: Cesc Fabregas
Over achiever: Martin Keown
Most Improved: Sol Campbell
Gooners recently played Thunder Cats in the RMI cup, a tie that mirrored last season’s first round which they won. This time round it was not to be and the final score was 3 -2, although Gooners came close to nicking it in the last minute, it was Thunder Cats who progressed this time round. Although FMR has always made his feelings clear on the pre season cup format, and has been calling for some time for the FA to run a more serious competition alongside the league.
In other news Gooners made their first signing of the new season in the form of Wellington Silva, the young Brazilian was signed this week after FMR went to some considerable lengths to get the player. He did not come cheap and is something of a risk but FMR believes that Wellington, Overmars and Fabregas will create a fantastic partnership in the years to come. Silva is a player very much in the mould of Fabregas in that he is quick and deals with pressure well, this should lead to him contributing a lot of goals but is more versatile in his ability to pass the ball well. Should he develop sufficiently the pairing could be frightening in the not so distant future.
Although FMR is confident that Fabregas is now ready to become a permanent fixture in the starting eleven and admitted he has never been so impressed by a young player, as he has been by Fabregas. His match winning and consistent performance aside in only his debut season, FMR has been more impressed by his professional attitude towards training and ability to perform whenever called upon. There were good words for Wiltord also who will remain in the side and take on the responsibility of leading the line alongside Henry after Wrights departure. FMR was of the opinion that Wiltord was now better equipped to deal with the pressure and has earned the right to make the starting eleven.
He did not have good words to say for everyone though and Ljungberg a player that FMR has been most patient with has finally run out of time. He played his last game in the RMI cup and is already in contract talks with a number of clubs. Seaman was another player that FMR voiced his opinions publicly with but the out of favour keeper gained no interest what so ever on the open market, Although this may spell the end for Akinfeev as FMR needs a number one he can trust and rumour has it both keepers are running out of time! although changing either this window looks an unlikely option. Kevin Campbell was another player who did not make the grade and will not return from his loan period at Reggae.
Gooners have made many changes to the squad since FMR's arrival although he has stuck to his guns on the most part where his best players are concerned and the strongest eleven has remained very much unchanged. We compiled the full list and as you can see FMR indeed has been working very hard behind the scenes.
Gooners ins and outs season 6:
IN: Wellington Silva, Leonardo Borja, Lloyd Lipscombe, Nicolas Anelka, David Rocastle, Igor Akinfeev, Tony Adams, Cesc Fàbregas.
OUT: Patrick Vieira, Abou Diaby, Iain Wright, Tony Adams X2, Robert Pirès, Kevin Campbell, Marouane Chamakh, Hank Tolkien, John Lukic, Gilberto Silva, Lauren Etame Mayer.
Even after back to back promotions there is still a murmur of discontent among the Gooners faithful, many believe with the squad FMR inherited trophies should have already of been obtained. FMR though has always stated as good as the team was success would only have been short term. He is also a manager that is willing to take a gamble, risking everything last season to sign two young strikers, surely had Gooners failed to achieve promotion many would have been quick to criticise his decisions. From his perspective though every decision has been in the interest of the club, and is adamant that the choices have been amongst the hardest he has made at any club. Having never won a trophy he has possibly sacrificed two of his best chances to date to enhance his C.V. having put the development of players and financial gains of the club before even his own ambitions.
Gooners fans will have been optimistic this coming season as FMR has always stated division one trophy was the first silverware he would take seriously and that winning it was high on his list of things to do. The board as always have given FMR full backing and a substantial sum of econs to spend from the sale of players, so surely at this pre season’s press conference he would finally speak the words the fans longed to hear?
The conference is due to be held this coming weekend and is sure to make interesting reading and you can be sure we will be there to report all the details, as FMR lays down his targets for season seven!
Player of the season: Dennis Bergkamp
Top scorer: Thierry Henry
Young player award: Cesc Fabregas
Over achiever: Martin Keown
Most Improved: Sol Campbell
Gooners recently played Thunder Cats in the RMI cup, a tie that mirrored last season’s first round which they won. This time round it was not to be and the final score was 3 -2, although Gooners came close to nicking it in the last minute, it was Thunder Cats who progressed this time round. Although FMR has always made his feelings clear on the pre season cup format, and has been calling for some time for the FA to run a more serious competition alongside the league.
In other news Gooners made their first signing of the new season in the form of Wellington Silva, the young Brazilian was signed this week after FMR went to some considerable lengths to get the player. He did not come cheap and is something of a risk but FMR believes that Wellington, Overmars and Fabregas will create a fantastic partnership in the years to come. Silva is a player very much in the mould of Fabregas in that he is quick and deals with pressure well, this should lead to him contributing a lot of goals but is more versatile in his ability to pass the ball well. Should he develop sufficiently the pairing could be frightening in the not so distant future.
Although FMR is confident that Fabregas is now ready to become a permanent fixture in the starting eleven and admitted he has never been so impressed by a young player, as he has been by Fabregas. His match winning and consistent performance aside in only his debut season, FMR has been more impressed by his professional attitude towards training and ability to perform whenever called upon. There were good words for Wiltord also who will remain in the side and take on the responsibility of leading the line alongside Henry after Wrights departure. FMR was of the opinion that Wiltord was now better equipped to deal with the pressure and has earned the right to make the starting eleven.
He did not have good words to say for everyone though and Ljungberg a player that FMR has been most patient with has finally run out of time. He played his last game in the RMI cup and is already in contract talks with a number of clubs. Seaman was another player that FMR voiced his opinions publicly with but the out of favour keeper gained no interest what so ever on the open market, Although this may spell the end for Akinfeev as FMR needs a number one he can trust and rumour has it both keepers are running out of time! although changing either this window looks an unlikely option. Kevin Campbell was another player who did not make the grade and will not return from his loan period at Reggae.
Gooners have made many changes to the squad since FMR's arrival although he has stuck to his guns on the most part where his best players are concerned and the strongest eleven has remained very much unchanged. We compiled the full list and as you can see FMR indeed has been working very hard behind the scenes.
Gooners ins and outs season 6:
IN: Wellington Silva, Leonardo Borja, Lloyd Lipscombe, Nicolas Anelka, David Rocastle, Igor Akinfeev, Tony Adams, Cesc Fàbregas.
OUT: Patrick Vieira, Abou Diaby, Iain Wright, Tony Adams X2, Robert Pirès, Kevin Campbell, Marouane Chamakh, Hank Tolkien, John Lukic, Gilberto Silva, Lauren Etame Mayer.
Even after back to back promotions there is still a murmur of discontent among the Gooners faithful, many believe with the squad FMR inherited trophies should have already of been obtained. FMR though has always stated as good as the team was success would only have been short term. He is also a manager that is willing to take a gamble, risking everything last season to sign two young strikers, surely had Gooners failed to achieve promotion many would have been quick to criticise his decisions. From his perspective though every decision has been in the interest of the club, and is adamant that the choices have been amongst the hardest he has made at any club. Having never won a trophy he has possibly sacrificed two of his best chances to date to enhance his C.V. having put the development of players and financial gains of the club before even his own ambitions.
Gooners fans will have been optimistic this coming season as FMR has always stated division one trophy was the first silverware he would take seriously and that winning it was high on his list of things to do. The board as always have given FMR full backing and a substantial sum of econs to spend from the sale of players, so surely at this pre season’s press conference he would finally speak the words the fans longed to hear?
The conference is due to be held this coming weekend and is sure to make interesting reading and you can be sure we will be there to report all the details, as FMR lays down his targets for season seven!
Second chance TCM knock out Abu Dhabi
After a goalless bore draw in the preliminary round against F.C Greatness TCM found theirselves out of the RMI Preseason Cup, however a reprieve following the withdrawal of Legends saw RDCM's men back in contention.
The resulting fixture was away to Abu Dhabi, ultimately the game was a non entity the Division 2 Champions playing a string side in form, Talinmer choosing to blood his youth team.
Goals from Caffery,Cooksey and Hardy sealed the one sided victory.
Next up Crimson Tigers, who will be keen to gain the TCM's scalp as they prepare for life in Division 2.
The resulting fixture was away to Abu Dhabi, ultimately the game was a non entity the Division 2 Champions playing a string side in form, Talinmer choosing to blood his youth team.
Goals from Caffery,Cooksey and Hardy sealed the one sided victory.
Next up Crimson Tigers, who will be keen to gain the TCM's scalp as they prepare for life in Division 2.
Focus On Training
Pahang United had lose their 1st cup matches and he has no intention to play friendly at the moment.
He brought their players for training session and at the same time thinking the best way to fully satisfied before the new season start soonest.
I'm thinking to bring in a player but still thinking which area.
He brought their players for training session and at the same time thinking the best way to fully satisfied before the new season start soonest.
I'm thinking to bring in a player but still thinking which area.
Arsenal Progress
Arsenal managed to progress to the second round of the pre season cup after a tight contest against AJ Rovers. The game ended 1-1 on the day but Arsenal progress thanks to the amount of chances they produced.
AJ Rovers gave a good account of themselves and Brown thinks they will have a bright future in this league. Brown is now sat in his office waiting for the second round draw and is hoping the fixture gods are kind to him and his team.
AJ Rovers gave a good account of themselves and Brown thinks they will have a bright future in this league. Brown is now sat in his office waiting for the second round draw and is hoping the fixture gods are kind to him and his team.
cup 2nd round and change report
Morley Town F.C. simplay didn't had any chances yesterday in second round of the cup! Now we are waiting for third round draw...
Change report has brought to our team some new skill points but maybe we even expect more. Well, it will must be enough to get back to first division next season
Change report has brought to our team some new skill points but maybe we even expect more. Well, it will must be enough to get back to first division next season
KBC win first cup match
Kensington Boys Club were tactically beaten by visiting Kirkbride Strollers but managed a great game. The Strollers were only allowed one shot at goal and Captain Jacobs struck his first of the season to bring the victory to the Boys.
"I got off a good shot after de Vere served it up brilliantly. I've had a poor season behind me but it feels like a new beginning for the club right now and we are ready for anything in the cup" said Jacobs after the match.
"I got off a good shot after de Vere served it up brilliantly. I've had a poor season behind me but it feels like a new beginning for the club right now and we are ready for anything in the cup" said Jacobs after the match.
First game in charge
With Mr Wylie finally having his first game as Juventus manager today, he was supprised to come up against a very defensive Legends team. Juventus have made a number of changes under new management to try and compete within the league, however the most boring match occurred leaving both teams with stalement, with the game finishing 0-0. Juventus were by far the better team, however with most men behind the ball for the legends, it wasnt going to be a thrilling match.
2nd round
AJ Rovers will travel to Arsenal DB to play for the 2nd round in the cup competition. Normally, rothion will field reserve players for the friendly. but this time, they will go for the best eleven in order to qualify for the third round. good luck for both AJ Rovers and Arsenal DB.
This week in Kensington
The RM Invitational Cup kicked off this last friday and today the Boys face off with Kirbride Strollers.
Kirkbride have won the three latest games against KBC and the Kensingtonians will want to save their poor season by good results in the cup.
Kensington Boys Club are now down to a sixteen men squad. After the change report KBC are one of the three strongest teams in what still is division 1. FC Greatness and Carthage are the competitors in this respect.
Carthage, however, have a brilliant future ahead of them and despite a poor season they are still in division 1 and will be the ones to beat in the near future.
Kirkbride have won the three latest games against KBC and the Kensingtonians will want to save their poor season by good results in the cup.
Kensington Boys Club are now down to a sixteen men squad. After the change report KBC are one of the three strongest teams in what still is division 1. FC Greatness and Carthage are the competitors in this respect.
Carthage, however, have a brilliant future ahead of them and despite a poor season they are still in division 1 and will be the ones to beat in the near future.
Monday, 19 April 2010
Fans Want Benfari To Stay!
F.C. Greatness all time top scorer, whose current Greatness contract will end next month, said: 'I am working hard towards a new deal with the club. But i know I wasn't palific in front of goal last season and I entend to change that push for promotion .
Winner: Benfari lifted the trophy for Greatness in there second year toget promotion were he was a key figure.
'The big stage is the best stage for a player and I would say Cedar Road is the best stage of all. What happened in our promotion season was special to me. It's something I believe the fans will always remember. For me it's something special, scoring a hat-trick against Juventus and then the final game. I'll keep my fingers crossed and see if I can do that again.
'One of the biggest highlights of my career is still yet to come. To do that again would be magic and magic can happen.
'I realise I am out of contract soon and I do not know whether this will be my last couple of months. I just want to concentrate on now and then I will decide what to do but I definitely want to keep playing for one or two more years here, it's my club.
Like every season Fabrizio Colluato is link to all sorts of clubs, but like usual he keeps quiert. Fabio Cannavaro now 25 needs to step it up at the club to push as the play-maker for the team and start scoring goals, althrought the manage as sed teams have asked about the playboy.
We have seen Álvaro Recoba grow into a excellent talent and is good enough to play first team football. Is he still a player for the future or is he gonna set up and become a star or a possible move away for big money. Massimiliano Cardone as become a fans favirote at only 19. Manager Darren Calvert says he's the new Colluato, but does that mean some day Greatness faviourte son will leave the club? We all know RobinMeBlind as admierd the player for years and if Greatness don't get promotion and could go to team that is challenging for the title!
Winner: Benfari lifted the trophy for Greatness in there second year toget promotion were he was a key figure.
'The big stage is the best stage for a player and I would say Cedar Road is the best stage of all. What happened in our promotion season was special to me. It's something I believe the fans will always remember. For me it's something special, scoring a hat-trick against Juventus and then the final game. I'll keep my fingers crossed and see if I can do that again.
'One of the biggest highlights of my career is still yet to come. To do that again would be magic and magic can happen.
'I realise I am out of contract soon and I do not know whether this will be my last couple of months. I just want to concentrate on now and then I will decide what to do but I definitely want to keep playing for one or two more years here, it's my club.
Like every season Fabrizio Colluato is link to all sorts of clubs, but like usual he keeps quiert. Fabio Cannavaro now 25 needs to step it up at the club to push as the play-maker for the team and start scoring goals, althrought the manage as sed teams have asked about the playboy.
We have seen Álvaro Recoba grow into a excellent talent and is good enough to play first team football. Is he still a player for the future or is he gonna set up and become a star or a possible move away for big money. Massimiliano Cardone as become a fans favirote at only 19. Manager Darren Calvert says he's the new Colluato, but does that mean some day Greatness faviourte son will leave the club? We all know RobinMeBlind as admierd the player for years and if Greatness don't get promotion and could go to team that is challenging for the title!
VIP prize winners announced.
Nearly all VIP prizes for this last season have now been decided.
2 competitions remain.
Fantasy football will run till the end of the premiership season.
Best press release will be sorted soon.
Firstly before all the winners are announced I would again like to thank the sponsors this season.
they where.
Solongsuperman
RobinMeeblind
Jazza1958
your support is greatly appreciated. Thanks also to robinmeeblind, solongsuperman, dombrown and cathalio11 for helping run and keep track of the competitons.
Here are the winners this season
RMI Winners The Vikings (Eaglesrjh) 1 Month Prize returned to the league for an extra prediction comp prize
Div 1 Winners Splott Rovers (Carbonmonoxide) 1 Month Prize
Div 2 Winners These Charming Men (RDCM) 1 Month Prize
Div 3 winners Espada (Crismorena) 1 Month Prize
Manager of the season. Crimson Tigers (Paulc333) 7 MOTR, 3 month prize
Pools competiton Thundercats FC (Baz78) Defending his crown 3 month prize
Highest Scoring team. Morley Town FC (leeg21) 3 month prize (Bullyboys also had 51 goals so goal difference was used to seperate them) (sorry Cath!)
Prediction Competition Overall winner Totaalvoetbal (Robinmeeblind) 1 month prize returned to the league
Prediction comp best overall round. Yorkshires Amateurs (Danlufc13) and F.C Greatness (Darrencalvert) both scored the same, 1 month prize each,
Prediction comp mystery prize (lowest score of everyone taking part in every round) Alsancak FC (Weinersnitzel) 1 month prize
Prediction comp loyalty bonus, random draw. Crimea River (Ithaqua) 1 month prize
Congratulations to all winners, prizes will be allocated soon!
2 competitions remain.
Fantasy football will run till the end of the premiership season.
Best press release will be sorted soon.
Firstly before all the winners are announced I would again like to thank the sponsors this season.
they where.
Solongsuperman
RobinMeeblind
Jazza1958
your support is greatly appreciated. Thanks also to robinmeeblind, solongsuperman, dombrown and cathalio11 for helping run and keep track of the competitons.
Here are the winners this season
RMI Winners The Vikings (Eaglesrjh) 1 Month Prize returned to the league for an extra prediction comp prize
Div 1 Winners Splott Rovers (Carbonmonoxide) 1 Month Prize
Div 2 Winners These Charming Men (RDCM) 1 Month Prize
Div 3 winners Espada (Crismorena) 1 Month Prize
Manager of the season. Crimson Tigers (Paulc333) 7 MOTR, 3 month prize
Pools competiton Thundercats FC (Baz78) Defending his crown 3 month prize
Highest Scoring team. Morley Town FC (leeg21) 3 month prize (Bullyboys also had 51 goals so goal difference was used to seperate them) (sorry Cath!)
Prediction Competition Overall winner Totaalvoetbal (Robinmeeblind) 1 month prize returned to the league
Prediction comp best overall round. Yorkshires Amateurs (Danlufc13) and F.C Greatness (Darrencalvert) both scored the same, 1 month prize each,
Prediction comp mystery prize (lowest score of everyone taking part in every round) Alsancak FC (Weinersnitzel) 1 month prize
Prediction comp loyalty bonus, random draw. Crimea River (Ithaqua) 1 month prize
Congratulations to all winners, prizes will be allocated soon!
Burn Baby Burn
Recently, the media have been clambering to get the news story that volcanic ash in Iceland, causing hundreds of flight cancellations and trips throughout Europe. However, what caused the volcano to erupt? Not tectonic plates, no. It was manager Sean7 practicing his dance moves for a Disco Party. Word has it his moves are so amazing, they cause vibrations throughout the seafloor causing massive hurricanes and volcano eruptions.
Exclaimed the manager, 'Disco Inferno..Burn that mother down!!!!'
Word also has it that Chuck Norris has a shrine dedicated to the awesomeness that is Sean7. Stay tuned.
Exclaimed the manager, 'Disco Inferno..Burn that mother down!!!!'
Word also has it that Chuck Norris has a shrine dedicated to the awesomeness that is Sean7. Stay tuned.
**** OFF!!!
These were the words shouted by Cathal Brennan at every manager who has approached him over Sjunne Wenna.
'He isn't leaving, he is too important to this club. Giving him away would be a massive mistake. Even with the possible money we could receive, it would be very hard to find a player of his stature. He was the best play in the whole RMI last season and he wants to continue playing with us so **** OFF!!!!
'He isn't leaving, he is too important to this club. Giving him away would be a massive mistake. Even with the possible money we could receive, it would be very hard to find a player of his stature. He was the best play in the whole RMI last season and he wants to continue playing with us so **** OFF!!!!
FMR eat your words.
Manager shrugs off 'advice'.
"Leave me to play my own game, and crack on with sorting your own team out".
That was the line after the recent change report at Special Ones MKII. The squad achieved a very succesful change considering the circumstances, despite the fortune-telling FMR quaffing at the prospect.
The side saw 8 players visibly increase and all but one increase in skill overall. It ensures a better opportunity next season to start the rebuilding process properly and the manager has already brought in a 25 year old defender to bolster the squad. Forrester looks set to leave in a shock transfer after being the best player in the side for many seasons. But with an expected 10 Million Econ price tag the manager is sure he can bring in some great talent for the future.
"Leave me to play my own game, and crack on with sorting your own team out".
That was the line after the recent change report at Special Ones MKII. The squad achieved a very succesful change considering the circumstances, despite the fortune-telling FMR quaffing at the prospect.
The side saw 8 players visibly increase and all but one increase in skill overall. It ensures a better opportunity next season to start the rebuilding process properly and the manager has already brought in a 25 year old defender to bolster the squad. Forrester looks set to leave in a shock transfer after being the best player in the side for many seasons. But with an expected 10 Million Econ price tag the manager is sure he can bring in some great talent for the future.
Keeper In, Midfielder Out
Town News
Morley have promoted 19 year old Goalkeeper Rowan Samways from their youth system and in a surprise move put him straight on the transfer list, sources inside the club have suggested that the youth coach could be on his way after manager Leeg21 was obviously unhappy with the player once he made it into the first team squad.
It is also roumoured that he is the first youth player offered to Leeg21 in an astonishing 43 days, and it comes on the back of Leeg21 listing his two youngest first team players. One of those two, Morgan Law, has been snapped up by Cathalio11, manager of Bully Boys FC, for a sum of 4.75 million econ.
Leeg21 has made it no secret he was disappointed with Law's change report after finishing the season with average form of 17 and current form of 18 but only acheiving a single jump, the Morley manager though will see the sale for that fee as a good piece of business.
Morley have promoted 19 year old Goalkeeper Rowan Samways from their youth system and in a surprise move put him straight on the transfer list, sources inside the club have suggested that the youth coach could be on his way after manager Leeg21 was obviously unhappy with the player once he made it into the first team squad.
It is also roumoured that he is the first youth player offered to Leeg21 in an astonishing 43 days, and it comes on the back of Leeg21 listing his two youngest first team players. One of those two, Morgan Law, has been snapped up by Cathalio11, manager of Bully Boys FC, for a sum of 4.75 million econ.
Leeg21 has made it no secret he was disappointed with Law's change report after finishing the season with average form of 17 and current form of 18 but only acheiving a single jump, the Morley manager though will see the sale for that fee as a good piece of business.
Crimson Tigers have been celebrating promotion this season. It was just about unthinkable that this club would be promoted when paulc333 took over bu
Viking Land News
It's been over a week since the Vikings won the RMI title but there has not yet been any official word form the manager.
Sources close to the club reveal that the manager is still in disbelief and is constantly staring at the league table trying to convince himself that it is true. we are sure the manager will speak to the press when reality sets in again!!
It's been over a week since the Vikings won the RMI title but there has not yet been any official word form the manager.
Sources close to the club reveal that the manager is still in disbelief and is constantly staring at the league table trying to convince himself that it is true. we are sure the manager will speak to the press when reality sets in again!!
promotion celebrations
Crimson Tigers have been celebrating promotion this season. It was just about unthinkable that this club would be promoted when paulc333 took over but some good purchases, some good management and some excellent performances from the players saw the club gain promotion, but a tough season is expected next time round.
Admin team break into music scene.
The press room was bulging again after yet more revelations about the goings-on of the admin team were revealed by the dashingly handsome Pink Bus gaffer.
The manager waltzed in to the room and took his seat.
"Well, well well. It would appear that our admin team have branched out into the world of music videos. I was watching "The greatest hits of homosexual men" on MTV last night when I saw a new song released by a 4some of men calling themselves "The high heel wearing bitches".
"My curiosity was pricked when out esteemed leader, Eagles, appeared on screen and introduced their debut single by saying "We are a 4some of bummers who like to sing. Our first hit is a rip of of the Queen classic "I want to break free".
"My jaw dropped as the camera panned away to reveal Eagles, Cocks, NobbinMeBum and GaySchlong all stood with a domestic applaince in their hand. Each gent was wearing a tiny micro-skirt, stockings, killer high heels and blouses"
"The music started....and then the lyrics hit me like a bullet to the balls"
"Eagles started to sing the following...
"I want to nonce you.....I waaaant tooo nooonce yoooou. I want to nonce you from behind, till I get satisfaction out of youuuuuu. Oh I want to nonce you. God knows, God knows I'm gonna nonce you"
"Eagles was pursing his bright red lips to the camera, licking his lips as the words slipped out his mouth. He seemed to take pleasure in threatening the viewer with an horrific noncing"
"When the instrumental kicked in...well, what I saw has scarred my innocent mind. The camera moved to a living room scene. Cocks was bent over the sofa whilst Nobbin probed him deeply using the extendable pipe of a hoover. Cocks' face was filled with homosexual pleasure when Nobbin switched the hoover on"
"The camera then went to a kitchen scene. Eagles could be seen taking GaySchlongMan from behind with a salami he had taken from the fridge. You can imagine how disgusted I was at all this horrendous gayness"
"People of the RMI, please sit up and listen to what I am telling you! The admin team are a bunch of beasts who will roger you to oblivion if you aren't careful. Please act with due care and attention whilst you are around these cross-dressing Gay Lords. If you ignore this advice, you could be the one on the receiving end of the noncing they were threatening to carry out in their music video"
"Vote for a non-gay admin team! Use your vote in the General Erection and kick these deviants out!"
The Riders bus then leapt out of the window and made for the local Newsagent...rumour suggests he wanted to buy a copy of Bella so he could knock one out over the agony aunt.
The manager waltzed in to the room and took his seat.
"Well, well well. It would appear that our admin team have branched out into the world of music videos. I was watching "The greatest hits of homosexual men" on MTV last night when I saw a new song released by a 4some of men calling themselves "The high heel wearing bitches".
"My curiosity was pricked when out esteemed leader, Eagles, appeared on screen and introduced their debut single by saying "We are a 4some of bummers who like to sing. Our first hit is a rip of of the Queen classic "I want to break free".
"My jaw dropped as the camera panned away to reveal Eagles, Cocks, NobbinMeBum and GaySchlong all stood with a domestic applaince in their hand. Each gent was wearing a tiny micro-skirt, stockings, killer high heels and blouses"
"The music started....and then the lyrics hit me like a bullet to the balls"
"Eagles started to sing the following...
"I want to nonce you.....I waaaant tooo nooonce yoooou. I want to nonce you from behind, till I get satisfaction out of youuuuuu. Oh I want to nonce you. God knows, God knows I'm gonna nonce you"
"Eagles was pursing his bright red lips to the camera, licking his lips as the words slipped out his mouth. He seemed to take pleasure in threatening the viewer with an horrific noncing"
"When the instrumental kicked in...well, what I saw has scarred my innocent mind. The camera moved to a living room scene. Cocks was bent over the sofa whilst Nobbin probed him deeply using the extendable pipe of a hoover. Cocks' face was filled with homosexual pleasure when Nobbin switched the hoover on"
"The camera then went to a kitchen scene. Eagles could be seen taking GaySchlongMan from behind with a salami he had taken from the fridge. You can imagine how disgusted I was at all this horrendous gayness"
"People of the RMI, please sit up and listen to what I am telling you! The admin team are a bunch of beasts who will roger you to oblivion if you aren't careful. Please act with due care and attention whilst you are around these cross-dressing Gay Lords. If you ignore this advice, you could be the one on the receiving end of the noncing they were threatening to carry out in their music video"
"Vote for a non-gay admin team! Use your vote in the General Erection and kick these deviants out!"
The Riders bus then leapt out of the window and made for the local Newsagent...rumour suggests he wanted to buy a copy of Bella so he could knock one out over the agony aunt.
Sjunne Wenna given Play of the year!
Sjunne Wenna has today been given the Bully Boys' player of the year award.
Cathal Brennan had this to say:
"He deserved it! He is a great captain and a great player. He is the best player in the league! He had the best season last season and I guarantee that he will be in Drooly Saliva next season, not in Orange."
We have had a few offers for him but none of them give us the option to make the team better so I wont accept!
Cathal Brennan had this to say:
"He deserved it! He is a great captain and a great player. He is the best player in the league! He had the best season last season and I guarantee that he will be in Drooly Saliva next season, not in Orange."
We have had a few offers for him but none of them give us the option to make the team better so I wont accept!
the bad the ugly and the cup
Season, terrible. Luck, terrible. Change, ok. Then there is the first round of the cup, drawn against a strong side, likelihood of going through, pretty slim. The actual game, rubbish. We are out of course now. But to tell the truth, who cares, the team is not in a good way and I just want the season to start to start rebuilding. Good luck to everyone in the cup. Dont pick up too many injuries, and if you want a friendly, you know what to do.
Arsenal Progress
Arsenal progressed in thier first cup match against Yorkshires Amateurs. Brown thought he had this teams number untill kick off and they were set up in 3-4-3 formation, this took brown by surprise as the game turned out to be 3-4-3 vs 3-4-3.
Arsenal would prove to be just stronger as they edged them out 2-1 on the night.
Up next is AJ Rovers, Good luck to all
Arsenal would prove to be just stronger as they edged them out 2-1 on the night.
Up next is AJ Rovers, Good luck to all
Under new management
With Juventus having a very poor season and finishing 2nd bottom in division 2, they sacked the manager and with immediate effect brought in Mr Wylie in order to change things dramatically. the board have backed the manager with huge funds to spend, so next season will be interesting.
Mass-debating action involving Erections
The Pink Bus manager organised a press briefing after his close friend and political ally Ith announced he had negotiated with the admin team of this league the terms of a televised mass-debate in the run up to the impending General Erection.
He boomed "Thank you Ith for negotiating with the over-sexed admin team of this league. I can only imagine in horror what price you had to pay to get them to agree with it. If you suffer any anal incontinence due to the actions of Eagles, Nobbin et al then lease come to me, I can lend you a towlen nappy if you so wish"
"Moving on" he mused "This televised mass-debate between myself and the noncey-noncerton admins of this league will give you, the people, a chance to question us face to face on the hard hitting subjects effecting each and every one of you"
"I implore you to send your questions to Ith. I will answer anything. I have ground-breaking policies that I want to implemet immedietely" he teased
"I want to make it illegal for Eagles to whore-out OAP's to other deviants, I want to make it illegal for Nobbin to suckle gently from the bosoms of unsuspecting tramps, I want to criminalise SuperGaySclongMans actions whereby he takes patients temperatures using his very own erect phallus as his instrument of choice at the local hospital"
"I know you want change within this league, you need to fight for it" he exclaimed, the bulge in his trousers appearing to thorb with each passing word.
"I challenge Eagles, Nobbin, GaySchlong and their cross-dressing bitch boy Cocks18 to accept the invitation of a televisual mass-debating session"
"I shall assume if they do not reply to this challenge...then they are admitting that they are all a bunch of raving bumlords who shall, from now on, be known as the "Convention of Arse Botherers (CAB)"
"I doubt very much they will rise to this challenge. No doubt they will all be shacked up in some Travelodge taking it in turns to arse ream some unspecting tramp/OAP/patient. The horrible sexual predators that they are"
The boss then leapt from his seat, slapped the Chairmans wife round the face with his pendulous testes and made off at speed towards the pie shop.
He boomed "Thank you Ith for negotiating with the over-sexed admin team of this league. I can only imagine in horror what price you had to pay to get them to agree with it. If you suffer any anal incontinence due to the actions of Eagles, Nobbin et al then lease come to me, I can lend you a towlen nappy if you so wish"
"Moving on" he mused "This televised mass-debate between myself and the noncey-noncerton admins of this league will give you, the people, a chance to question us face to face on the hard hitting subjects effecting each and every one of you"
"I implore you to send your questions to Ith. I will answer anything. I have ground-breaking policies that I want to implemet immedietely" he teased
"I want to make it illegal for Eagles to whore-out OAP's to other deviants, I want to make it illegal for Nobbin to suckle gently from the bosoms of unsuspecting tramps, I want to criminalise SuperGaySclongMans actions whereby he takes patients temperatures using his very own erect phallus as his instrument of choice at the local hospital"
"I know you want change within this league, you need to fight for it" he exclaimed, the bulge in his trousers appearing to thorb with each passing word.
"I challenge Eagles, Nobbin, GaySchlong and their cross-dressing bitch boy Cocks18 to accept the invitation of a televisual mass-debating session"
"I shall assume if they do not reply to this challenge...then they are admitting that they are all a bunch of raving bumlords who shall, from now on, be known as the "Convention of Arse Botherers (CAB)"
"I doubt very much they will rise to this challenge. No doubt they will all be shacked up in some Travelodge taking it in turns to arse ream some unspecting tramp/OAP/patient. The horrible sexual predators that they are"
The boss then leapt from his seat, slapped the Chairmans wife round the face with his pendulous testes and made off at speed towards the pie shop.
General Erection - The Mass Debate
Fellow RMI MANagers,
It is my pleasure to announce, having gone undercover cleverly disguised as war bitten, hard torn journalist Jacqueline Hyde, that after long, lengthy and made-up discussions that a deal has been struck with the Axis of Evil currently in charge of the RMI and prince-among-men kilie_gers to hold a mass debate ahead of the approaching general erection.
And now you are being offered the opportunity to question your evil overlords, or the pretenders to the throne, by asking the hard-hitting questions you want answered. Where is the league headed? How fixed is the cup competition? Just how did NobinMeBum coerce Cathalio11 to win the prediciton competition for a second time? How much does Eagles charge for 15 minutes with old Mr Eeman in room 6?
Questions can mailed directly to me to maintain anonymity for those that fear bottom ravaging related reprisals from the oppresive ruling regime.
Submitted questions will be studied, collated and ultimately mailed out to the participants and the answers published ahead of the new season.
Act now. Hold your admin team to account. Shape the future of the league.
It is my pleasure to announce, having gone undercover cleverly disguised as war bitten, hard torn journalist Jacqueline Hyde, that after long, lengthy and made-up discussions that a deal has been struck with the Axis of Evil currently in charge of the RMI and prince-among-men kilie_gers to hold a mass debate ahead of the approaching general erection.
And now you are being offered the opportunity to question your evil overlords, or the pretenders to the throne, by asking the hard-hitting questions you want answered. Where is the league headed? How fixed is the cup competition? Just how did NobinMeBum coerce Cathalio11 to win the prediciton competition for a second time? How much does Eagles charge for 15 minutes with old Mr Eeman in room 6?
Questions can mailed directly to me to maintain anonymity for those that fear bottom ravaging related reprisals from the oppresive ruling regime.
Submitted questions will be studied, collated and ultimately mailed out to the participants and the answers published ahead of the new season.
Act now. Hold your admin team to account. Shape the future of the league.
RDCM AKA Mason Verger and his pigs
A 30-year-old Yorkshire manager turned pig farmer is facing life behind bars after the police found evidence relating to four missing footballers - a fraction of the total number he is thought to have chopped up.
RD "five finger" CM could be given an automatic life sentence when a jury in Wolverhampton found him guilty of kidnap amongst other things. Earlier in the week police found a stash of chopped up fingers which had RDCM’s finger prints on them.
RDCM had grown tired of his players and others hitting on his young daughter, so he took matters into his own hands, by stealing her diary and then tracking down each man mentioned in her book – resulting in him chopping their fingers off.
He still faces charges for the 20 or more men, most of them either youth or reserve players from football clubs around the country. If convicted on all those charges, he would become Wolverhampton’s most prolific weirdo.
Police are still investigating the cases of almost 40 other missing youth players. This is to be one of the main reasons why all these clubs, Yorkshires Amateurs, Special Ones MKII, Totaalvoetbal and Abu Dhabi United have had so many rubbish youths in the last few months. All the good ones are being scared off.
RDCM listened to the verdict with his head bowed and later smirked at one point. His trial is due to re-start next month when managers from all over the country will be present.
Two sisters of victim Raymond Yorke screamed "I hope you’re given a job as the soap picker upper in jail!" when he was taken into the local courtroom. But they later said they were pleased he was more than likely to be convicted on the second-degree charge.
Two jurors, both women, wiped tears from their eyes while the facts were read. The jury foreman glared at RDCM as the tape recorder was played back by a court official.
During his trial, a prosecution witness, Priti Manek, said RDCM told him how he detached his victim’s fingers and fed them to his pigs.
Health officials once issued a tainted meat warning to neighbours who might have bought Chicken twizzlers from RDCM’s farm; concerned the meat might have contained human remains.
The victims all came from RM Invitational, considered the worst ghetto in Xpert Eleven.
RD "five finger" CM could be given an automatic life sentence when a jury in Wolverhampton found him guilty of kidnap amongst other things. Earlier in the week police found a stash of chopped up fingers which had RDCM’s finger prints on them.
RDCM had grown tired of his players and others hitting on his young daughter, so he took matters into his own hands, by stealing her diary and then tracking down each man mentioned in her book – resulting in him chopping their fingers off.
He still faces charges for the 20 or more men, most of them either youth or reserve players from football clubs around the country. If convicted on all those charges, he would become Wolverhampton’s most prolific weirdo.
Police are still investigating the cases of almost 40 other missing youth players. This is to be one of the main reasons why all these clubs, Yorkshires Amateurs, Special Ones MKII, Totaalvoetbal and Abu Dhabi United have had so many rubbish youths in the last few months. All the good ones are being scared off.
RDCM listened to the verdict with his head bowed and later smirked at one point. His trial is due to re-start next month when managers from all over the country will be present.
Two sisters of victim Raymond Yorke screamed "I hope you’re given a job as the soap picker upper in jail!" when he was taken into the local courtroom. But they later said they were pleased he was more than likely to be convicted on the second-degree charge.
Two jurors, both women, wiped tears from their eyes while the facts were read. The jury foreman glared at RDCM as the tape recorder was played back by a court official.
During his trial, a prosecution witness, Priti Manek, said RDCM told him how he detached his victim’s fingers and fed them to his pigs.
Health officials once issued a tainted meat warning to neighbours who might have bought Chicken twizzlers from RDCM’s farm; concerned the meat might have contained human remains.
The victims all came from RM Invitational, considered the worst ghetto in Xpert Eleven.
decent change report
~TheSmurftastic Smurfs celebrated promotion with a decent enough change report. plus 11 overall with 10 players gaining a skill bar an no players losing any skill. Even Ernie Ormondroyd got a plus despite three serious injuries in the campaign.
One player as been listed, despite gaining a bar Mickey Linton has failed to impress and as long as someone matches our price he will be sold. Only then will we decide if anyone else is to come in this season.
One player as been listed, despite gaining a bar Mickey Linton has failed to impress and as long as someone matches our price he will be sold. Only then will we decide if anyone else is to come in this season.
The Oranje Makelele
Dejected Totaalvoetbal fans were given a boost this morning in the shape of Jaan Makelele.
Having lost the last game of the season after slipping out of the title race in the previous game, Totaalvoetbal then saw an average change report worsen their mood while the Pink Bus Riders manager still throws accusation after accusation at Meeblind as his obsession grows.
‘He’s everywhere,’ began Meeblind in reference to Kilie.
‘You read about stalkers in the papers every day. I never thought I’d reach the stage where I had one myself. I’m starting to fear for my safety, the man is clearly infatuated by me and who knows what lengths he will go to get hold of well......my length shall we say.’
Meeblind quickly refocused to speak about the change report:
‘It looks average no doubt about it but every player bar one improved so it’s probably a little misleading. A couple might be on their way out of the club but we’ll see what happens.’
With all that said the manager then introduced Makelele to the reporters:
‘This lad could be special. We are told he can be a little moody but we can tap into that and make it work in our favour.
‘He is versatile, has the knack of a headed goal and has pace to burn. At 17 he could develop into something special.....or bring in 5m to the rather empty club coffers.
‘It has given the club a boost, though, ahead of the off-season training camp.’
And with that Meeblind left the press conference with a spring in his step that hasn't been seen for sometime.
Having lost the last game of the season after slipping out of the title race in the previous game, Totaalvoetbal then saw an average change report worsen their mood while the Pink Bus Riders manager still throws accusation after accusation at Meeblind as his obsession grows.
‘He’s everywhere,’ began Meeblind in reference to Kilie.
‘You read about stalkers in the papers every day. I never thought I’d reach the stage where I had one myself. I’m starting to fear for my safety, the man is clearly infatuated by me and who knows what lengths he will go to get hold of well......my length shall we say.’
Meeblind quickly refocused to speak about the change report:
‘It looks average no doubt about it but every player bar one improved so it’s probably a little misleading. A couple might be on their way out of the club but we’ll see what happens.’
With all that said the manager then introduced Makelele to the reporters:
‘This lad could be special. We are told he can be a little moody but we can tap into that and make it work in our favour.
‘He is versatile, has the knack of a headed goal and has pace to burn. At 17 he could develop into something special.....or bring in 5m to the rather empty club coffers.
‘It has given the club a boost, though, ahead of the off-season training camp.’
And with that Meeblind left the press conference with a spring in his step that hasn't been seen for sometime.
degredated
As you may noticed AC Milan with it's squad wasn't able to stay in 1st division and therefore we will be degredated to lower division. Maybe this is even better because we already substitute many older players with young ones and more is following...
That's isn't the well known politics from Milan but everything changes!
That's isn't the well known politics from Milan but everything changes!
Brown Slams Agent
Arsenal boss Dom Brown was left disappointed this morning as he came in to find his new player is not quite as skilled as he was informed.
"Well, we looked around at other teams and decided we need to get another midfielder, we wanted someone older and with more skill rather then a youth player. An agetn appraoched us with Walt Sidwell, a 34/11 thats cool and good in the air, he seemed perfect for our squad however, after a training session this morning it appears he is only a 34/10."
"I feel abit disappointed but there are a couple of facts to soften the blow of being lied to. 1) We didn't really pay that much for him so we only over paid by 700k, 2) His form is already high and 3) Turns out he is not only cool and good in the air but he is also a hard trainer and a leader"
"We did spend all out money though so its going to be tough but we had to get more in the midfield area"
"Well, we looked around at other teams and decided we need to get another midfielder, we wanted someone older and with more skill rather then a youth player. An agetn appraoched us with Walt Sidwell, a 34/11 thats cool and good in the air, he seemed perfect for our squad however, after a training session this morning it appears he is only a 34/10."
"I feel abit disappointed but there are a couple of facts to soften the blow of being lied to. 1) We didn't really pay that much for him so we only over paid by 700k, 2) His form is already high and 3) Turns out he is not only cool and good in the air but he is also a hard trainer and a leader"
"We did spend all out money though so its going to be tough but we had to get more in the midfield area"
WBS Woe, Kirkbride Survive
West Brom Strollers completed their fall from grace as they drew 1-1 at White Hawk in a result which sealed their relegation to Division One. With West Brom knowing they needed to pick up the three points to fight off Kirkbride at the bottom they wouldn’t be able to manage it against a spirited Hawk team. Hawk began the stronger and saw Adan Donahue hit a free-kick against the bar in the very first minute. Cyrille Regis did see a goal chalked off for the visitors due to a dubious offside call but Hawk were soon back on the front foot with Donahue missing narrowly from another free-kick. Yet another set-piece on 25 minutes saw Donahue’s frustration increase as he missed the target and the sides would go in deadlocked at the break. However, Hawk would gain an early advantage at the start of the second-half with Donahue slotting home from the spot before Charly Chan Jet Soe put a chipped effort over the bar. Charly Tamka looked to have settled the contest on 75 minutes but his placed effort was ruled out for offside while Donahue would see a free-kick go well-wide. West Brom would then make Hawk pay for all of their missed chances as Lee Hughes powered in a shot from a corner but it wouldn’t prove a catalyst for the visiting side and the point couldn’t save them from the drop. DD shrugged off relegation and vowed to ‘get back to winning ways in Division One’ while Hooraymee will be hoping to carry his side’s end-of-season form into the new term.
Kirkbride Strollers survived the final day dramatics as they defeated Real Madrid 2-1 at The Bush. Knowing nothing less than a win would do they would deserve their success from a positive display. Mark Blacklock saw a powerful shot saved by Casillas early on and the ‘keeper would then deny Malcolm Graham’s chip with a fine save. However, Andrew Harrison would put the hosts ahead with a fine placed finish beyond the ‘keeper and this would give the home side a half-time lead. The second-half would see chances at either end with Graham shooting wide early on for the Strollers. Madrid’s first effort came on 59 minutes but Raul Gonzalez’s header skimmed the bar although they would level as the same player lobbed home minutes later. Kirkbride would respond well, though, and Harrison powered in a header to put them back in front on 78 minutes. Stephen Robinson would then see a free-kick saved and Madrid had the chance to level but Gonzalez would waste a penalty. This would prove their last chance and the celebrations could begin as Kirkbride stayed in the top division. Jazza admitted he ‘wasn’t sure how’ but will now plot a much more successful campaign next time out. Fred Rizzo said that his side ‘had a decent season’ and will look to improve for next term.
The Vikings completed their championship winning season with a 1-0 away success at Yorkshires Amateurs. Both sides would produce some good attacking football in an open end-of-season game at The Thorp Arches. Anastasios Tassiopoulos looked to have put the visitors ahead on eight minutes with an accurate shot into the far corner but he was stood yards offside and the goal wouldn’t count. The home side responded with a shot by Gabriel Mohan but Raasch comfortably saved. The Vikings would break the deadlock five minutes later as Russell Ovendale connected sweetly with a strike from distance to beat Bicanco. This would be the last of the action before the break but more chances would come in the second-half. Tassiopoulos had a driving shot caught before Ozgun Dolutas put a lob over as both sides pressed. Mohan would also have a flick header saved by Raasch before Ovendale nearly put through his own net but saw the ball rebound off a post. At the other end Ovendale would place a header well-wide while Dolutas powered an effort wide for the Amateurs. Vassilis Papakostas and Ferdo Pecar would have late efforts go close for The Vikings as they saw out time on another three points. Eaglesrjh will have been delighted with his side’s finish to the season and will look to enjoy the silly season before preparing his side to defend their crown. Amateurs News claimed that Danlufc13 was already ‘plotting a return to the top flight’ in what looks like it will be a competitive section.
Arsenal DB won the battle of two of the top three at The Emirates as they defeated Totaalvoetbal 1-0. With both sides giving run-outs to out-of-form players this would be a somewhat tight contest. Francesc Fabregas did look to have given Arsenal an early lead but was flagged for offside before Zlatan Izuhimovic hit the bar with a chip at the other end. Darren Gibson would break the deadlock with a fine strike from range on 35 minutes and Arsenal would take this lead into the break. Fabregas smacked a free-kick off the bar at the start of the second-half before Owen Hargreaves had a half-volley saved by Leemans on the hour. Bosko Balaban would then waste a chance by lobbing over before William Ralph Dean did likewise for Totaal at the other end. Ultimately, Arsenal would be taking home the points with Arsenal News reporting they had ‘finished on a high.’ Robin Meeblind admitted he would be ‘working hard’ over the silly season to leave his side in a better position next term to challenge for the title once more.
Santos ended the season on a high with a 2-1 home victory over OAP Pop Punk. With both sides having secured safety over the past week or so they went into this game in relaxed mood and produced an open game. Santos opened up with Torbjorn Alshammar hitting a free-kick against a post before Bosse Bong put the visitors ahead with a set-piece which flew into the net. Jordi Cruyff would miss narrowly with a header before Adriano Ribeiro put a header over at the other end. Alshammar would net on 29 minutes as he shot through the legs of Given and Robbie Mitchell might have had the hosts ahead moments later but his powerful low shot struck a post. The second-half remained open with the hosts edging it. Alshammar would lob a header over the bar before Gordon Brown missed the target with a strike for Pop Punk. Mitchell would also head wide for the hosts but they did hit the front courtesy of a powerful strike by Alshammar on 80 minutes. Marcelo Afonso missed a chance to seal the game by side-footing wide but Cruyff couldn’t capitalise as he flicked a header wide for the visitors. Dijedon Betimaj would get the ball in the net in injury-time but it would be disallowed for a foul and Santos would claim the points. Sean7 will be delighted with his side’s fourth-place finish and will look to build on that for next season. Paddy will now move onto the cup and some silly season signings before embarking on his first full season in charge of Pop Punk.
AFC Stanley and ThunderCats finished their respective seasons with a 2-2 draw at Garden Street. Both sides looked to come and play open football and an enjoyable game was the result. Stanley began the better and took the lead courtesy of a flick header by Bobby Taylor on two minutes. ThunderCats’ first sight of goal came from a free-kick but Matias Rascao’s effort was blocked by Hessbo. Izet Hadzic would also be denied by the ‘keeper as he tipped his lob over before Rascao powered an effort off-target. Magro would ensure the deficit was only one at the break, though, by saving from another Taylor header. The second-half saw even more chances with Silvio Falcao curling the first one wide for the visitors. Nelson Queimado would also miss the target with a drive before Jon MacClintock hit the angle with a header at the other end. Taylor would then lob a header over before Hadzic had a half-volley saved for ThunderCats. Falcao would finally level on 79 minutes with a clinical strike in the area and Juliano Leite nearly put them in front but his placed effort struck a post. Stanley would take advantage as MacClintock placed in an accurate header but the visitors wouldn’t be beaten as Raimundo Lange finished from inside the area. MaClintock would have the chance to win it for the hosts but his half-volley struck a post and the sides went away with a point each. Markham will look to strengthen his side in the off-season before looking for another successful season in the top flight next term. Baz will also be looking to strengthen as he looks to get ThunderCats back into title winning contention.
Kirkbride Strollers survived the final day dramatics as they defeated Real Madrid 2-1 at The Bush. Knowing nothing less than a win would do they would deserve their success from a positive display. Mark Blacklock saw a powerful shot saved by Casillas early on and the ‘keeper would then deny Malcolm Graham’s chip with a fine save. However, Andrew Harrison would put the hosts ahead with a fine placed finish beyond the ‘keeper and this would give the home side a half-time lead. The second-half would see chances at either end with Graham shooting wide early on for the Strollers. Madrid’s first effort came on 59 minutes but Raul Gonzalez’s header skimmed the bar although they would level as the same player lobbed home minutes later. Kirkbride would respond well, though, and Harrison powered in a header to put them back in front on 78 minutes. Stephen Robinson would then see a free-kick saved and Madrid had the chance to level but Gonzalez would waste a penalty. This would prove their last chance and the celebrations could begin as Kirkbride stayed in the top division. Jazza admitted he ‘wasn’t sure how’ but will now plot a much more successful campaign next time out. Fred Rizzo said that his side ‘had a decent season’ and will look to improve for next term.
The Vikings completed their championship winning season with a 1-0 away success at Yorkshires Amateurs. Both sides would produce some good attacking football in an open end-of-season game at The Thorp Arches. Anastasios Tassiopoulos looked to have put the visitors ahead on eight minutes with an accurate shot into the far corner but he was stood yards offside and the goal wouldn’t count. The home side responded with a shot by Gabriel Mohan but Raasch comfortably saved. The Vikings would break the deadlock five minutes later as Russell Ovendale connected sweetly with a strike from distance to beat Bicanco. This would be the last of the action before the break but more chances would come in the second-half. Tassiopoulos had a driving shot caught before Ozgun Dolutas put a lob over as both sides pressed. Mohan would also have a flick header saved by Raasch before Ovendale nearly put through his own net but saw the ball rebound off a post. At the other end Ovendale would place a header well-wide while Dolutas powered an effort wide for the Amateurs. Vassilis Papakostas and Ferdo Pecar would have late efforts go close for The Vikings as they saw out time on another three points. Eaglesrjh will have been delighted with his side’s finish to the season and will look to enjoy the silly season before preparing his side to defend their crown. Amateurs News claimed that Danlufc13 was already ‘plotting a return to the top flight’ in what looks like it will be a competitive section.
Arsenal DB won the battle of two of the top three at The Emirates as they defeated Totaalvoetbal 1-0. With both sides giving run-outs to out-of-form players this would be a somewhat tight contest. Francesc Fabregas did look to have given Arsenal an early lead but was flagged for offside before Zlatan Izuhimovic hit the bar with a chip at the other end. Darren Gibson would break the deadlock with a fine strike from range on 35 minutes and Arsenal would take this lead into the break. Fabregas smacked a free-kick off the bar at the start of the second-half before Owen Hargreaves had a half-volley saved by Leemans on the hour. Bosko Balaban would then waste a chance by lobbing over before William Ralph Dean did likewise for Totaal at the other end. Ultimately, Arsenal would be taking home the points with Arsenal News reporting they had ‘finished on a high.’ Robin Meeblind admitted he would be ‘working hard’ over the silly season to leave his side in a better position next term to challenge for the title once more.
Santos ended the season on a high with a 2-1 home victory over OAP Pop Punk. With both sides having secured safety over the past week or so they went into this game in relaxed mood and produced an open game. Santos opened up with Torbjorn Alshammar hitting a free-kick against a post before Bosse Bong put the visitors ahead with a set-piece which flew into the net. Jordi Cruyff would miss narrowly with a header before Adriano Ribeiro put a header over at the other end. Alshammar would net on 29 minutes as he shot through the legs of Given and Robbie Mitchell might have had the hosts ahead moments later but his powerful low shot struck a post. The second-half remained open with the hosts edging it. Alshammar would lob a header over the bar before Gordon Brown missed the target with a strike for Pop Punk. Mitchell would also head wide for the hosts but they did hit the front courtesy of a powerful strike by Alshammar on 80 minutes. Marcelo Afonso missed a chance to seal the game by side-footing wide but Cruyff couldn’t capitalise as he flicked a header wide for the visitors. Dijedon Betimaj would get the ball in the net in injury-time but it would be disallowed for a foul and Santos would claim the points. Sean7 will be delighted with his side’s fourth-place finish and will look to build on that for next season. Paddy will now move onto the cup and some silly season signings before embarking on his first full season in charge of Pop Punk.
AFC Stanley and ThunderCats finished their respective seasons with a 2-2 draw at Garden Street. Both sides looked to come and play open football and an enjoyable game was the result. Stanley began the better and took the lead courtesy of a flick header by Bobby Taylor on two minutes. ThunderCats’ first sight of goal came from a free-kick but Matias Rascao’s effort was blocked by Hessbo. Izet Hadzic would also be denied by the ‘keeper as he tipped his lob over before Rascao powered an effort off-target. Magro would ensure the deficit was only one at the break, though, by saving from another Taylor header. The second-half saw even more chances with Silvio Falcao curling the first one wide for the visitors. Nelson Queimado would also miss the target with a drive before Jon MacClintock hit the angle with a header at the other end. Taylor would then lob a header over before Hadzic had a half-volley saved for ThunderCats. Falcao would finally level on 79 minutes with a clinical strike in the area and Juliano Leite nearly put them in front but his placed effort struck a post. Stanley would take advantage as MacClintock placed in an accurate header but the visitors wouldn’t be beaten as Raimundo Lange finished from inside the area. MaClintock would have the chance to win it for the hosts but his half-volley struck a post and the sides went away with a point each. Markham will look to strengthen his side in the off-season before looking for another successful season in the top flight next term. Baz will also be looking to strengthen as he looks to get ThunderCats back into title winning contention.
Smurfs Up Despite Loss
Smurftastic Smurfs duly wrapped up the final promotion place in Division One despite falling to a 1-0 defeat at champions, Splott Rovers. With Smurfs knowing they only needed to avoid a heavy defeat there was never any danger in a tight encounter. Ernie Ormondroyd had an early free-kick saved before Ted Caird’s powerful shot went dead as the visitors started the better of the two sides. The second-half opened with Ormondroyd being denied by Ghostrider before Splott emerged as an attacking force late in the game. Frank Punisher would put a drive too close to Bogefeldt but it wouldn’t matter as Paul-Phillip Ravage volleyed home in injury-time to deliver three points to Splott. Carbonmonoxide will be delighted his side have capped a superb season in fitting fashion and will now set about building a side to compete in the top section. Thesmurf was happy with his season following promotion and will now have the same task as CM as silly season opens.
Bonkers would find themselves relegated as they were held 2-2 at F.C. Greatness who, in turn, missed out on the final promotion spot. With both sides needing the three points an attacking game ensued. A free-kick on two minutes saw Casian Ponor hit straight at Hawke before he put another effort over the bar on six minutes. Henrik Larsson saw a diving header saved at the other end and they would be hit by a Mario Balotelli goal on 17 minutes as the forward steered in a fine shot. Larsson would see a lob punched away as the visitors looked to respond and Pietro Di Fabio did just that with an excellent free-kick which levelled matters. Ponor wasted a further free-kick for the hosts but Alvaro Recoba did flick in a header to re-establish their lead on 43 minutes. There was still time before the break for Stefan Beelenkamp to hit the woodwork with a flick header of his own but Bonkers had to go in behind. The second-half opened with a Di Fabio free-kick which missed narrowly while Balotelli hit a half-volley over at the other end. Ponor’s luck would remain out from free-kicks as he hit the bar while Edip Bayrak lobbed over for Bonkers. To their credit they would keep going to the last and Usain Bolt thundered in a leveller in injury-time but time ran out in their search for a winner. Gareth Lloyd will be disappointed after his side’s relegation but he is well versed at getting them out of Division Two and will feel confident about promotion. Darren Calvert wouldn’t have expected promotion with such an unlikely goal deficit to overturn and will now look to make them stronger ahead of what looks like a tough division next season.
AC Milan would also find themselves relegated as they couldn’t find a way through Pahang at the San Siro. With Pahang already promoted this game was all about Milan but they would find little in the way of attacking football and found themselves down. The opening half saw just one chance with Tajo Cuevas’ volley being saved by home ‘keeper, Mathis. The second-half wouldn’t be much better with just a chance each. Jonte Sandholm would hit a poor volley at Hussain with Milan’s only chance while Kilian Strongbow’s shot didn’t threaten at the other end. Xmensch will have been disappointed by his side’s performance in such a big game and will now look to rebuild in Division Two. MrT can begin his planning for the RM Invitational top division following an outstanding season.
Carthage survived despite being held to a goalless draw at basement club Bumerang. With Bumerang already down and Carthage needing a win to guarantee survival, most were expecting this to be an away win but it wouldn’t be quite so straightforward. The first-half proved to be a quiet affair although Shinosuke Isimaru did have a goal disallowed for a foul. Chances finally arrived in the second 45 minutes with Fabius Maximus having a volley saved for the visitors. Miguel Angelo would then strike a post with a fine bicycle kick before Rikard Lind hit the bar with a free-kick for the hosts. Hasdrubal Gisco would see a shot saved for Carthage before they saw Delis Eribenne sent-off for brutal play to complicate matters. Bumerang looked to take advantage but Lind’s free-kick was saved while at the other end Quincy Lansbury saw a powerful shot saved by Stancu. Carthage would have one last chance but Nathan Gatling didn’t test the ‘keeper and they had to settle for a point. Ultimately, this would prove enough for Blakey’s side but even he admitted that he ‘wasn’t sure how they survived.’ Coolbooy will be hoping for a more progressive season next time out after a disappointing relegation.
Kensington Boys Club finished the season on a high as they defeated AJ Rovers 2-1 at Kensington Grounds. With both sides having little to play for an open encounter was expected but much of the drama would happen late in the contest. Rovers did hit the front on 16 minutes courtesy of a powerful strike in the area by Donovan Bronach. Kensington’s response came just before the break but Maurice Jacobs’ curled effort was saved by Hodges and they went in behind. Rovers looked to double their lead at the start of the second-half but Gleb Styin’s lob went over and Kensington assumed control. Jacobs would see a lobbed header go over before Daniil Nikulin narrowly avoided scoring an own goal. Hodges would then deny Jacobs’ expert volley but Kensington would not be denied. Gilbert de Clare powered in a fine equaliser on 81 minutes and just seven minutes later a free-kick saw the ball lifted for Adrian Gray to hit home a half-volley. Patrik will be boosted by his side’s win going into the silly season and will hope for better next term. Rothion will also be looking for a top-three finish next season after seeing their promotion bid derailed late on this time.
In the other game Cardiff City and African Imitators would share a 0-0 draw to complete their seasons. The game had more of an edge to it than anticipated as both clubs saw men sent-off in a fractious encounter. The bookings started early on and would remain a theme throughout. Savo Milosevic would see a free-kick saved from the visitor’s only chance of the first-half while at the other end Osorio Sao’s strike went over. The second-half saw both teams have a couple of chances each and also have a man sent-off each. Cardiff would take the lead when Chano Paya slotted home on 75 minutes and a couple of minutes later Luigi McKeever was sent-off for dangerous play to make things worse for the visitors. Norris Shipton then tried to seal the win but saw his header gathered by Handez and the Imitators fought back. Milosevic would lob in a superb effort to level on 82 minutes before Sao saw red for arguing for the hosts. The visitors would then see Raimundo Raja have the chance to win it late on but his half-volley went nowhere near its intended target and the points were shared. Both Gravitons and Uwfb will be looking to improve upon their seventh and eighth-place finishes respectively next season.
Bonkers would find themselves relegated as they were held 2-2 at F.C. Greatness who, in turn, missed out on the final promotion spot. With both sides needing the three points an attacking game ensued. A free-kick on two minutes saw Casian Ponor hit straight at Hawke before he put another effort over the bar on six minutes. Henrik Larsson saw a diving header saved at the other end and they would be hit by a Mario Balotelli goal on 17 minutes as the forward steered in a fine shot. Larsson would see a lob punched away as the visitors looked to respond and Pietro Di Fabio did just that with an excellent free-kick which levelled matters. Ponor wasted a further free-kick for the hosts but Alvaro Recoba did flick in a header to re-establish their lead on 43 minutes. There was still time before the break for Stefan Beelenkamp to hit the woodwork with a flick header of his own but Bonkers had to go in behind. The second-half opened with a Di Fabio free-kick which missed narrowly while Balotelli hit a half-volley over at the other end. Ponor’s luck would remain out from free-kicks as he hit the bar while Edip Bayrak lobbed over for Bonkers. To their credit they would keep going to the last and Usain Bolt thundered in a leveller in injury-time but time ran out in their search for a winner. Gareth Lloyd will be disappointed after his side’s relegation but he is well versed at getting them out of Division Two and will feel confident about promotion. Darren Calvert wouldn’t have expected promotion with such an unlikely goal deficit to overturn and will now look to make them stronger ahead of what looks like a tough division next season.
AC Milan would also find themselves relegated as they couldn’t find a way through Pahang at the San Siro. With Pahang already promoted this game was all about Milan but they would find little in the way of attacking football and found themselves down. The opening half saw just one chance with Tajo Cuevas’ volley being saved by home ‘keeper, Mathis. The second-half wouldn’t be much better with just a chance each. Jonte Sandholm would hit a poor volley at Hussain with Milan’s only chance while Kilian Strongbow’s shot didn’t threaten at the other end. Xmensch will have been disappointed by his side’s performance in such a big game and will now look to rebuild in Division Two. MrT can begin his planning for the RM Invitational top division following an outstanding season.
Carthage survived despite being held to a goalless draw at basement club Bumerang. With Bumerang already down and Carthage needing a win to guarantee survival, most were expecting this to be an away win but it wouldn’t be quite so straightforward. The first-half proved to be a quiet affair although Shinosuke Isimaru did have a goal disallowed for a foul. Chances finally arrived in the second 45 minutes with Fabius Maximus having a volley saved for the visitors. Miguel Angelo would then strike a post with a fine bicycle kick before Rikard Lind hit the bar with a free-kick for the hosts. Hasdrubal Gisco would see a shot saved for Carthage before they saw Delis Eribenne sent-off for brutal play to complicate matters. Bumerang looked to take advantage but Lind’s free-kick was saved while at the other end Quincy Lansbury saw a powerful shot saved by Stancu. Carthage would have one last chance but Nathan Gatling didn’t test the ‘keeper and they had to settle for a point. Ultimately, this would prove enough for Blakey’s side but even he admitted that he ‘wasn’t sure how they survived.’ Coolbooy will be hoping for a more progressive season next time out after a disappointing relegation.
Kensington Boys Club finished the season on a high as they defeated AJ Rovers 2-1 at Kensington Grounds. With both sides having little to play for an open encounter was expected but much of the drama would happen late in the contest. Rovers did hit the front on 16 minutes courtesy of a powerful strike in the area by Donovan Bronach. Kensington’s response came just before the break but Maurice Jacobs’ curled effort was saved by Hodges and they went in behind. Rovers looked to double their lead at the start of the second-half but Gleb Styin’s lob went over and Kensington assumed control. Jacobs would see a lobbed header go over before Daniil Nikulin narrowly avoided scoring an own goal. Hodges would then deny Jacobs’ expert volley but Kensington would not be denied. Gilbert de Clare powered in a fine equaliser on 81 minutes and just seven minutes later a free-kick saw the ball lifted for Adrian Gray to hit home a half-volley. Patrik will be boosted by his side’s win going into the silly season and will hope for better next term. Rothion will also be looking for a top-three finish next season after seeing their promotion bid derailed late on this time.
In the other game Cardiff City and African Imitators would share a 0-0 draw to complete their seasons. The game had more of an edge to it than anticipated as both clubs saw men sent-off in a fractious encounter. The bookings started early on and would remain a theme throughout. Savo Milosevic would see a free-kick saved from the visitor’s only chance of the first-half while at the other end Osorio Sao’s strike went over. The second-half saw both teams have a couple of chances each and also have a man sent-off each. Cardiff would take the lead when Chano Paya slotted home on 75 minutes and a couple of minutes later Luigi McKeever was sent-off for dangerous play to make things worse for the visitors. Norris Shipton then tried to seal the win but saw his header gathered by Handez and the Imitators fought back. Milosevic would lob in a superb effort to level on 82 minutes before Sao saw red for arguing for the hosts. The visitors would then see Raimundo Raja have the chance to win it late on but his half-volley went nowhere near its intended target and the points were shared. Both Gravitons and Uwfb will be looking to improve upon their seventh and eighth-place finishes respectively next season.
Cath and FMR On Up and Up
Bully Boys routinely disposed of Juventus to claim the second promotion spot in Division Two. With Juve condemned to Division Three football next term, the home side expected a comfortable victory and it would play out in such a fashion. Aatu Vuokki got them off to a brilliant start with a fine header in the first minute before Curt Elliott drove a shot just off-target. Elliott would get his goal moments later with a fine header before Sjunne Wenna saw a header of his own brush a post. Valio Kapiala saw a free-kick saved by Tonetto before Juve had a chance with Obadele Eliakwu looping a header off-target. Wenna duly added a third for the hosts with a looping header while Kristoffer Lindfors missed the target with a shot at the other end. Juve’s problems looked to have worsened when Elliott slotted home but his goal was disallowed and the score remained at 3-0. Jorn Fruh would lob another header over for the visitors and Elliott did score the fourth with an excellent lob to leave the hosts cruising at half-time. The second-half would see more chances with Dominic Smythe powering in a long range shot on 54 minutes to make it 5-0. Jacobo Chacros would force Tolvanen into a leg save from a free-kick but Bully Boys would then make it six with a powerful header by Smythe. Ike Dyer rounded the game off in fine fashion for the home side with a super lob just before time to start the promotion party. Cath was pleased to see his season goal achieved and will now start his transfer dealings to progress the Bully Boys onto the next level. The future for Juventus is less clear after being manager-less for some time now.
Gooners would duly take the third promotion spot with an emphatic 6-0 away win at PSV Eindhoven. With the home side fielding a very youthful side, Gooners capitalised on the opportunity to score goals aplenty and claim third. The start would be explosive as Sylvain Wiltord curled home a powerful effort in the first minute. Wiltord would then chip in a second just seven minutes later as Gooners began to cruise. Wiltord nearly completed a fast hat-trick but saw a lob tipped over while Sol Campbell struck the angle from a steered effort. Thierry Henry would also test the woodwork with a curled shot before Leonardo Borja did add a third with an excellent volley on the half-hour. Cesc Fabregas swiftly made it 4-0 from a breakaway move and although Rene Maslovsky did have a headed chance for the hosts it wouldn’t threaten and they would go in well-adrift. The second-half was more even although Henry added a fifth with a clinical strike after a corner. Claudio Collauto saw a toe-poke saved for the hosts before Campbell nearly helped them out with a misdirected back pass but it would be Gooners who would have the last say as Henry steered in his second and his side’s sixth of the day. FMR declared himself ‘impressed with Wiltord’ and can now look forward to training his side and making a signing or two ahead of life in Division One. Kadri won’t be too downcast following this defeat and will continue his project in the least demanding arena of Division Three next term.
Legends and FC Bayern Munchen would both miss out on promotion as they drew 1-1 at Stadium of Dreams. With both sides having hopes of promotion this would prove a tense and exciting encounter but would ultimately finish in frustration for the respective sides. Romario de Souza wasted an early lob for the home side before he then put a shot well-wide. The home side continued to threaten but Zinedine Zidane could only hit a free-kick over and they would be thankful to Buffon for saving from Billy Bob’s shot on 41 minutes. However, moments later Adriano Pelizzoli would find the net from distance to give Munchen the half-time advantage. Legends would push to get back into the contest after the break as they forced Munchen to defend for large periods. However, they would first be relieved to see the assistant flagging Pelizzoli offside after the forward had comfortably finished past Buffon. Ruud Gullit would smash a low drive off a post for the home side before George Best did think he had levelled with a clinical finish in the area only to see it disallowed for shirt pulling. They would then see Zidane hit a free-kick wide and looked to be heading to defeat until Paul Gascoigne lobbed home in injury-time to level the match. However, the goal didn’t affect either side’s promotion chances and both will have to go again next term. @peace will sure to have a stronger side next term and anything less than promotion will be seen as disappointing in the Legends’ camp. Dimentis will be disappointed after going so close and will also be looking for one of those top three spots in a competitive section next season.
These Charming Men rounded off their outstanding season with a 2-0 away victory at The Kings. The sides couldn’t have been going into the game on the back of more differing emotions as The Kings faced up to relegation while TCM, the excitement of going up a division. Gerard Caffery would put a header into Fitzsimmons’ hands on five minutes before Jon Hardy saw a long range shot disallowed late in the half as TCM saw the better of the action. Caffery would see a shot saved at the start of the second-half but TCM would go in front courtesy of a Jon Turnball header. Hardy then quickly added a second with a poacher’s goal from a corner while Caffery missed with a placed effort just after the hour. Hardy would also miss with a placed effort before Jamie Sinclair hit a tame shot at Avellino at the other end. The game finished with Hardy striking a post but it wouldn’t affect TCM’s mood and on the final whistle they went to the away end to celebrate their marvellous season with the travelling support. RDCM and his side will now prepare for a tougher challenge in Division One but will also have their eye on a cup challenge over the coming weeks. Hitman will need to improve his side for next season so expect a few transfer dealings in the silly season at Masters.
Wortley would finish the season on a high with a 6-1 triumph over Abu Dhabi United. With both having achieved their goal for the season an open encounter was expected and was duly delivered. Wortley took the lead on eight minutes as Brandon Hiller shot home comfortably and he might have added a second 10 minutes later but hit a tame shot at Rossell. Paulinho Santos would also be denied by Rossell from a free-kick but Karl-Ingvar Gido did lob in a second on the half-hour. United tried to respond on 38 minutes but Jack Wilshere headed wide and Rai Kike then hit the angle with a fine strike at the other end. Jake Shiver would do better as he headed home to make it 3-0 and Hiller nearly rounded off the half with a fourth but saw his header narrowly miss its intended target. Gido did curl home a shot at the start of the second-half to make it four before Dan Clooney’s toe-poke made it five on 58 minutes. Gido put a header wide as they continued to attack and Curt Pryor lobbed home a sixth on 64 minutes. United did show courage to rally late on with Claudio Moura having a shot tipped round before Amjad Abdali lobbed in to pull one back. Gido missed a chance late on for the hosts as Rossell stopped his lob while Ilppo Visavuori was also denied at the other end from his flick header. Ultimately, this would be Thegtreatlordbags’ day and he will now hope to build on his first season in Division Two next term. Tal admitted he had had his ‘ass kicked’ but was already eagerly awaiting his change report after the match.
Crimea River and Special Ones MKII would be involved in a dour 0-0 draw in the other game in the division. With managers, Ithaqua and Ajtrader enjoying history together this was an anticipated match-up but ended up a bitter disappointment. Crimea would see the first chance but Alex Song’s header was comfortably saved and that would be all she wrote for the first 45 minutes. The second-half did see more chances but neither would find the elusive goal. Rowley Forrester saw a free-kick saved for the visitors before Joshua Fisher put a shot well-wide. They continued to press but again proved wasteful on 78 minutes as Forrester hit a dreadful free-kick while Crimea’s only response was a Fran Merida header which was tipped away by Jurkovic. Aj was less than impressed with the contest in its aftermath while Ithaqua questioned Aj’s tactics as they enjoyed a bit of a tiff. Other than that I’m sure both will be looking forward to a better campaign next season.
Gooners would duly take the third promotion spot with an emphatic 6-0 away win at PSV Eindhoven. With the home side fielding a very youthful side, Gooners capitalised on the opportunity to score goals aplenty and claim third. The start would be explosive as Sylvain Wiltord curled home a powerful effort in the first minute. Wiltord would then chip in a second just seven minutes later as Gooners began to cruise. Wiltord nearly completed a fast hat-trick but saw a lob tipped over while Sol Campbell struck the angle from a steered effort. Thierry Henry would also test the woodwork with a curled shot before Leonardo Borja did add a third with an excellent volley on the half-hour. Cesc Fabregas swiftly made it 4-0 from a breakaway move and although Rene Maslovsky did have a headed chance for the hosts it wouldn’t threaten and they would go in well-adrift. The second-half was more even although Henry added a fifth with a clinical strike after a corner. Claudio Collauto saw a toe-poke saved for the hosts before Campbell nearly helped them out with a misdirected back pass but it would be Gooners who would have the last say as Henry steered in his second and his side’s sixth of the day. FMR declared himself ‘impressed with Wiltord’ and can now look forward to training his side and making a signing or two ahead of life in Division One. Kadri won’t be too downcast following this defeat and will continue his project in the least demanding arena of Division Three next term.
Legends and FC Bayern Munchen would both miss out on promotion as they drew 1-1 at Stadium of Dreams. With both sides having hopes of promotion this would prove a tense and exciting encounter but would ultimately finish in frustration for the respective sides. Romario de Souza wasted an early lob for the home side before he then put a shot well-wide. The home side continued to threaten but Zinedine Zidane could only hit a free-kick over and they would be thankful to Buffon for saving from Billy Bob’s shot on 41 minutes. However, moments later Adriano Pelizzoli would find the net from distance to give Munchen the half-time advantage. Legends would push to get back into the contest after the break as they forced Munchen to defend for large periods. However, they would first be relieved to see the assistant flagging Pelizzoli offside after the forward had comfortably finished past Buffon. Ruud Gullit would smash a low drive off a post for the home side before George Best did think he had levelled with a clinical finish in the area only to see it disallowed for shirt pulling. They would then see Zidane hit a free-kick wide and looked to be heading to defeat until Paul Gascoigne lobbed home in injury-time to level the match. However, the goal didn’t affect either side’s promotion chances and both will have to go again next term. @peace will sure to have a stronger side next term and anything less than promotion will be seen as disappointing in the Legends’ camp. Dimentis will be disappointed after going so close and will also be looking for one of those top three spots in a competitive section next season.
These Charming Men rounded off their outstanding season with a 2-0 away victory at The Kings. The sides couldn’t have been going into the game on the back of more differing emotions as The Kings faced up to relegation while TCM, the excitement of going up a division. Gerard Caffery would put a header into Fitzsimmons’ hands on five minutes before Jon Hardy saw a long range shot disallowed late in the half as TCM saw the better of the action. Caffery would see a shot saved at the start of the second-half but TCM would go in front courtesy of a Jon Turnball header. Hardy then quickly added a second with a poacher’s goal from a corner while Caffery missed with a placed effort just after the hour. Hardy would also miss with a placed effort before Jamie Sinclair hit a tame shot at Avellino at the other end. The game finished with Hardy striking a post but it wouldn’t affect TCM’s mood and on the final whistle they went to the away end to celebrate their marvellous season with the travelling support. RDCM and his side will now prepare for a tougher challenge in Division One but will also have their eye on a cup challenge over the coming weeks. Hitman will need to improve his side for next season so expect a few transfer dealings in the silly season at Masters.
Wortley would finish the season on a high with a 6-1 triumph over Abu Dhabi United. With both having achieved their goal for the season an open encounter was expected and was duly delivered. Wortley took the lead on eight minutes as Brandon Hiller shot home comfortably and he might have added a second 10 minutes later but hit a tame shot at Rossell. Paulinho Santos would also be denied by Rossell from a free-kick but Karl-Ingvar Gido did lob in a second on the half-hour. United tried to respond on 38 minutes but Jack Wilshere headed wide and Rai Kike then hit the angle with a fine strike at the other end. Jake Shiver would do better as he headed home to make it 3-0 and Hiller nearly rounded off the half with a fourth but saw his header narrowly miss its intended target. Gido did curl home a shot at the start of the second-half to make it four before Dan Clooney’s toe-poke made it five on 58 minutes. Gido put a header wide as they continued to attack and Curt Pryor lobbed home a sixth on 64 minutes. United did show courage to rally late on with Claudio Moura having a shot tipped round before Amjad Abdali lobbed in to pull one back. Gido missed a chance late on for the hosts as Rossell stopped his lob while Ilppo Visavuori was also denied at the other end from his flick header. Ultimately, this would be Thegtreatlordbags’ day and he will now hope to build on his first season in Division Two next term. Tal admitted he had had his ‘ass kicked’ but was already eagerly awaiting his change report after the match.
Crimea River and Special Ones MKII would be involved in a dour 0-0 draw in the other game in the division. With managers, Ithaqua and Ajtrader enjoying history together this was an anticipated match-up but ended up a bitter disappointment. Crimea would see the first chance but Alex Song’s header was comfortably saved and that would be all she wrote for the first 45 minutes. The second-half did see more chances but neither would find the elusive goal. Rowley Forrester saw a free-kick saved for the visitors before Joshua Fisher put a shot well-wide. They continued to press but again proved wasteful on 78 minutes as Forrester hit a dreadful free-kick while Crimea’s only response was a Fran Merida header which was tipped away by Jurkovic. Aj was less than impressed with the contest in its aftermath while Ithaqua questioned Aj’s tactics as they enjoyed a bit of a tiff. Other than that I’m sure both will be looking forward to a better campaign next season.
Tigers Capture Promotion
Crimson Tigers clinched promotion to Division Two with a 1-0 away success at Reggae Reggae Sauce. Knowing a point would secure them promotion the Tigers dominated the chances and eased to a deserved triumph. Jez Stafford lobbed an early header over for the visitors before Miroslav Burkhart saw a shot denied late on in the half. They would take a lead into the break, though, as Marcelo Argello blasted home a free-kick to the delight of the travelling faithful although they did suffer a setback before the break with the sending off of Burkhart. They looked to double the lead at the start of the second-half but Stafford’s curled shot was tipped over before Kendrick Osmond’s flick header went wide. Osmond would also see a toe-poke saved by Mullen before Franciszek Kamiski wasted the home side’s only chance by heading off-target. Paul was delighted to secure promotion and also relieved that ‘Burkhart’s sending off would disappear next season.’ Xpertelevener now enters the silly season knowing that his side will struggle to continue falling any further down the standings.
Anime Allstars saw their bid for promotion come up just short as they were held to a 1-1 draw at Pink Bus Riders FC. With Kilie having infinitely improved the Riders this always looked a tough ask for the Allstars to get the goals required and so it would prove in a tight match. A free-kick on 10 minutes saw Stephane Aoudou have a strike saved by Sapienza before the ‘keeper also denied Frankie Ludden’s mishit shot. The home side continued to press, though, and Ludden would duly open the scoring with a powerful header on 24 minutes. The Allstars finally got into their stride minutes later although Johnny Douglas couldn’t net from a toe-poke. Douglas would also put a free-kick over as they went into the break behind on the scoreboard. The second-half saw both sides create a chance each. Ludden would power a shot high over the bar for the hosts and they would pay the price for this miss as Douglas headed the ball home with some force on 83 minutes. Despite coming up just short, Joshy will be proud of his side’s season and they will look forward to another tilt at promotion next term. Kilie was already looking ahead to the cup competition where he vowed to overcome a tough first round draw.
EspAda and Morley Town couldn’t be separated as the battle of the top two ended goalless. With both sides having sewn up promotion a long time ago there was a party atmosphere at Huco Mundo although the game couldn’t match. The first-half saw no chances created as the supporters enjoyed a conga battle instead. The second-half improved slightly with Art Boyle seeing an early header saved by Kerrigan. Zacharias Ashe would then miss narrowly with a powerful strike before EspAda’s only effort of the evening saw Patric Torebring miss the target with his driving shot. Crismorena will be hoping for more success next season after a brilliant first one in charge of EspAda. Leeg21 will also be hopeful his side can be successful in the step up the league ladder after proving too good for Division Three.
Alsancak capped a fine season with a 3-1 away success at Rolling Thunder. Overcoming a youthful set-up, Alsancak have competed superbly this season and would do so one more time at Thunder. The first-half wouldn’t see much action although Rory Burston’s header forced Selbu into a save in the home goal. The second 45 minutes would open up and Miles Beckett curled the visitors ahead from distance on 54 minutes. Thunder’s response was a powerful low drive by Arne Karlstrom which levelled matters before Beckett’s diving header was saved at the other end as Alsancak tried to restore their advantage. Andrew Taylor would hit the angle with a cute free-kick before Danny Rose did head the visitors back in front. Jovan Gagic saw Frost save from his header at the other end and when Fraizer Campbell connected sweetly with a diving header it was 3-1 and game over. Thunder did see an injury-time free-kick by John Obi Mikel go over but it would have made little difference anyway. Wienersnitzel will now assess his side’s change report before his club enter the next phase of their development. Vehusheia will hope his side can be more competitive next term and a good change will be vital to those hopes.
Tottenham Hotspur ensured they wouldn’t finish the season at the bottom of the standings as they earned a home point against AFC Boo Boys. Despite enduring a tough opening campaign the fans turned out in force to support Ocs and the boys and they were rewarded with a positive performance. Tom Huddlestone had already seen a lob header hit the bar for the hosts by the time Ledley King side-footed them into the lead on 10 minutes. Boo Boys’ first chance came on 22 minutes and Torben Kummel wasted little chance in thumping them level from a set-piece move. This would stay the score into the second-half where both sides would have a chance to win the game. Tomas Master would put a diving header over the bar for the hosts while Dan Scuderi struck a post with a clean strike at the other end. Ultimately, neither side would be able to claim the victory although neither will be too concerned. Ocs will be happy to have avoided finishing last but will now embark on his work over the silly season to progress his side some more. Skoolyou will be hopeful of more consistency next season after a decent campaign this time round.
FCR Cressex enjoyed an emphatic end to the season as they slammed six past St Omer. With Omer having endured another tough building season, Cressex would take full advantage to boost their fans going into the break. Emil Rojas would narrowly miss with a first minute volley before Dan-Ake Rothflod shot wide as the hosts started quickly. Rojas would then see Hamshaw block his free-kick but Ubaldo Andre did give them the lead with a clinical strike in the area on 10 minutes. Andre then saw a lob hit the bar before Rothflod delivered a superb diving header to double the lead on 17 minutes. Theo Gronlund got in on the act on 25 minutes by shooting through the legs of Hamshaw for 3-0 before Andre hit a post 12 minutes later. The one-way traffic would continue into the second-half with Carasario Falcioni having an early shot saved before the ‘keeper would also deny Andre’s shot. Rothflod would add a fourth with a strike from inside the area on 54 minutes before Tomas Tiribocchi powered in a fifth on 58 minutes. Andre would see a flicked header go over before Rojas lobbed in a sixth to complete the rout late on. Villan_RAS will want this to be the start of a more positive future while CT will be eager to see the fruits of his labour in the change report.
Anime Allstars saw their bid for promotion come up just short as they were held to a 1-1 draw at Pink Bus Riders FC. With Kilie having infinitely improved the Riders this always looked a tough ask for the Allstars to get the goals required and so it would prove in a tight match. A free-kick on 10 minutes saw Stephane Aoudou have a strike saved by Sapienza before the ‘keeper also denied Frankie Ludden’s mishit shot. The home side continued to press, though, and Ludden would duly open the scoring with a powerful header on 24 minutes. The Allstars finally got into their stride minutes later although Johnny Douglas couldn’t net from a toe-poke. Douglas would also put a free-kick over as they went into the break behind on the scoreboard. The second-half saw both sides create a chance each. Ludden would power a shot high over the bar for the hosts and they would pay the price for this miss as Douglas headed the ball home with some force on 83 minutes. Despite coming up just short, Joshy will be proud of his side’s season and they will look forward to another tilt at promotion next term. Kilie was already looking ahead to the cup competition where he vowed to overcome a tough first round draw.
EspAda and Morley Town couldn’t be separated as the battle of the top two ended goalless. With both sides having sewn up promotion a long time ago there was a party atmosphere at Huco Mundo although the game couldn’t match. The first-half saw no chances created as the supporters enjoyed a conga battle instead. The second-half improved slightly with Art Boyle seeing an early header saved by Kerrigan. Zacharias Ashe would then miss narrowly with a powerful strike before EspAda’s only effort of the evening saw Patric Torebring miss the target with his driving shot. Crismorena will be hoping for more success next season after a brilliant first one in charge of EspAda. Leeg21 will also be hopeful his side can be successful in the step up the league ladder after proving too good for Division Three.
Alsancak capped a fine season with a 3-1 away success at Rolling Thunder. Overcoming a youthful set-up, Alsancak have competed superbly this season and would do so one more time at Thunder. The first-half wouldn’t see much action although Rory Burston’s header forced Selbu into a save in the home goal. The second 45 minutes would open up and Miles Beckett curled the visitors ahead from distance on 54 minutes. Thunder’s response was a powerful low drive by Arne Karlstrom which levelled matters before Beckett’s diving header was saved at the other end as Alsancak tried to restore their advantage. Andrew Taylor would hit the angle with a cute free-kick before Danny Rose did head the visitors back in front. Jovan Gagic saw Frost save from his header at the other end and when Fraizer Campbell connected sweetly with a diving header it was 3-1 and game over. Thunder did see an injury-time free-kick by John Obi Mikel go over but it would have made little difference anyway. Wienersnitzel will now assess his side’s change report before his club enter the next phase of their development. Vehusheia will hope his side can be more competitive next term and a good change will be vital to those hopes.
Tottenham Hotspur ensured they wouldn’t finish the season at the bottom of the standings as they earned a home point against AFC Boo Boys. Despite enduring a tough opening campaign the fans turned out in force to support Ocs and the boys and they were rewarded with a positive performance. Tom Huddlestone had already seen a lob header hit the bar for the hosts by the time Ledley King side-footed them into the lead on 10 minutes. Boo Boys’ first chance came on 22 minutes and Torben Kummel wasted little chance in thumping them level from a set-piece move. This would stay the score into the second-half where both sides would have a chance to win the game. Tomas Master would put a diving header over the bar for the hosts while Dan Scuderi struck a post with a clean strike at the other end. Ultimately, neither side would be able to claim the victory although neither will be too concerned. Ocs will be happy to have avoided finishing last but will now embark on his work over the silly season to progress his side some more. Skoolyou will be hopeful of more consistency next season after a decent campaign this time round.
FCR Cressex enjoyed an emphatic end to the season as they slammed six past St Omer. With Omer having endured another tough building season, Cressex would take full advantage to boost their fans going into the break. Emil Rojas would narrowly miss with a first minute volley before Dan-Ake Rothflod shot wide as the hosts started quickly. Rojas would then see Hamshaw block his free-kick but Ubaldo Andre did give them the lead with a clinical strike in the area on 10 minutes. Andre then saw a lob hit the bar before Rothflod delivered a superb diving header to double the lead on 17 minutes. Theo Gronlund got in on the act on 25 minutes by shooting through the legs of Hamshaw for 3-0 before Andre hit a post 12 minutes later. The one-way traffic would continue into the second-half with Carasario Falcioni having an early shot saved before the ‘keeper would also deny Andre’s shot. Rothflod would add a fourth with a strike from inside the area on 54 minutes before Tomas Tiribocchi powered in a fifth on 58 minutes. Andre would see a flicked header go over before Rojas lobbed in a sixth to complete the rout late on. Villan_RAS will want this to be the start of a more positive future while CT will be eager to see the fruits of his labour in the change report.
What will Abu Dhabi do?
OAP Pop Punk welcome Abu Dhabi to George at Asda Pop Punk Park tomorrow for their first friendly of the pre season. After a positive change report Pop Punk hope to avoid a relegation battle this coming season and maybe even get past their first cup tie but before all that comes a friendly with Abu Dhabi, we caught up with Paddy Mckeever to get his thoughts
"What will Abu Dhabi do when OAP Pop Punk come for you" Paddy shouted and then started laughing, when his girlish giggling subsided he continued talking
"Talinmer is a fantastic manager who I have the utmost respect for and we're thankful they've agreed to come and play us in a friendly, its a chance for us to start as we mean to go on by hopefully improving our form and to pit our wits against a side who I expect season upon season will get better and better, we look forward to it!"
and with that Paddy was gone, to continue his lawsuit against the libellous claims of "make it up as he goes along whilst being so far in the closet he's standing on Tom Cruise" Pink Bus manager Willy_Purse.
"What will Abu Dhabi do when OAP Pop Punk come for you" Paddy shouted and then started laughing, when his girlish giggling subsided he continued talking
"Talinmer is a fantastic manager who I have the utmost respect for and we're thankful they've agreed to come and play us in a friendly, its a chance for us to start as we mean to go on by hopefully improving our form and to pit our wits against a side who I expect season upon season will get better and better, we look forward to it!"
and with that Paddy was gone, to continue his lawsuit against the libellous claims of "make it up as he goes along whilst being so far in the closet he's standing on Tom Cruise" Pink Bus manager Willy_Purse.
on to the cup
after wrapping up the title with games to spare the celebrations have now stopped and we focus on the cup. It won't be easy with Badger and Punisher now having retired and an away game against Div 3 champs EspÅda ® should prove a tough test. Champions v Champions is the bill and we will be looking to prove we can still do it without our two main men
Sale
Following a half decent change report, St Omer manager Cony Tottee today announced his spring sale.
Cony has made it clear that he needs to let players go to bring in money for training and is prepared to listen to serious (SERIOUS) offers for any of his players, just don't waste his time with stupid bids.
Cony has made it clear that he needs to let players go to bring in money for training and is prepared to listen to serious (SERIOUS) offers for any of his players, just don't waste his time with stupid bids.
Gutted
Arsenal DB got a predicted average CR this morning, Brown was left very disappointed as some of his youth didn’t even go up. The biggest disappointments were young Vela, a 16/4 with high hopes, he is now a 17/4 and his vaule has dropped massively, next was Fabregas, a 23/10 who is now a 24/10 there was also Kanburoglu and Superbi who never went up and have been placed on the market as a result. Kuszczak is another who didn’t get an increase and Brown is weighing up his options with him. Eboue is another one we thought could possible go up but he remains a 7.
Brown is disappointed but some good players did get an increase so its not a total disaster. Pushing for the top of the table will be tougher then ever after looking at how many teams are now on 8 skill bars!!
Brown is disappointed but some good players did get an increase so its not a total disaster. Pushing for the top of the table will be tougher then ever after looking at how many teams are now on 8 skill bars!!
General Erection - The Health Service
Hot on the heels of Kilie_Gers calling out the RMI hierarchy and requesting, nay demanding, the immediate holding of a General Erection, Crimea River head coach Ithaqua hastily convened a press conference to discuss the outcome of his own undercover investigation into the state of the RMI health service.
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the press association," announced the River head coach, "I think everyone here is aware of the horrific injury record of my own side this season. I am sure many of my fellow MANagers are as concerned by the frequency of player injuries and the players treatement at the hands of the RMI health service."
"While the Crimea River medical team are top notch professionals my faith in the RMI health service is... well... flaky at best and so, donning a cunning disguise, I recently faked illness and visited the 'Lord Have Mercy' hospital this past weekend."
"What I uncovered there was, frankly, shocking. And with the ever growing possibility of an Erection I feel it my civic, and politically unbiased, duty to reveal all to the world."
"Nothing seemed out of the ordinary upon my arrival, though the tartly dressed receptionist looked eerily familiar as he fixed his eye-shadow and lip gloss."
"'God Morgon,' the receptionist greeted me as I struggled to place the face. Hastily I explained I had a slight headache and would like to see a doctor. Helpfully the pickled herring scented receptionist showed me to a small waiting room."
"A few minutes later and I was informed Doctor Schlongmann would see me. If only I had put seven and fourteen together and multiplied the result by six at that point I might have been spared what was to come."
"Or if I had paid more attention to the trouser adjusting and saddle-sore like walking of fellow MANager FMRealism as he left the same examining room I was about to enter," the clearly emotional River head coach paused here to catch a brief sob.
"Anyway, unaware of the hand fate played me I entered the room and there was none other than deviant admin SuperGaySchlongMan masquerading as some kind of doctor-slash-high-class-hooker in a disturbingly revealing doctor’s outfit and pointy white stilettos. Fortunately doctor Schlongmann gave no indication of recognising me as my giant plastic nose and oversized moustache disguise fooled him completely."
"Shaken, but unshaken, I explained my symptoms. Rather than the expected prescription of paracetamol and a good rest I was asked to drop my trousers and bend over the examination table! Obviously looking back I should have realised something untoward was afoot but at the time I complied, she was after all the doctor. However when SchlongMan warned me I might feel a small prick in my bottom I hastily made my excuses and left."
"Having seen enough I took the opportunity to investigate the hospital further and stumbled upon the doctor’s staff room where two doctors and several old tramps were playing cards. Edging closer I couldn't help but notice the game being played was strip poker and that the deck was clearly stacked so the doctors would win."
"Then I noticed the doctors in question were none other than our own head honcho Eagles and noted tramp-noncer NobinMeBum and that the poor tramps were being stripped of one thing, their dignity. And self respect."
"Stumbling back out of the room I fled weeping as the sound of suckling, oiling, spanking and spit roasting echoed in my ears."
"Quite lost in haze of confusion and the grip of some surreal nightmare I accidently stumbled into the room of a coma patient. Initially nothing seemed out of place, until I noticed it was the receptionist taking the poor man’s temperature. And with an oddly pink thermometer"
"It was then I realised with horror that the so familiar receptionist was none other than RMI 'stunner' PatrikPatrik from Sweden and the patient was no patient but DomBrownEye and they were playing out some sordid hospital fantasy."
"Unable to witness anymore horrors I finally fled the hospital, brushing past a heavily made up and bandaged Cocks18 and the tortuous cry of 'wanna join my league?', and sought the sanctuary of the nearest lap dancing bar and a stiff drink to calm my shredded nerves."
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I implore you do not allow your injured players to be ambulance to the Lord Have Mercy hospital, or any other of the hospitals in this so called RMI Health Care system. Bodily injuries can be healed but injured pride leaves a lasting scar."
"Fellow RMI MANagers I urge you, if you want a health service that works. A health service you can be proud of. A health service that will not take advantage of your injurious state then vote for Kilie, AJ and that other bloke at the upcoming erection."
"I only hope that AJ's investigation into the RMI admin youth education program at the Kensington Little Boys Club Private School for Kensington Boys was far less harrowing," concluded Ithaqua.
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the press association," announced the River head coach, "I think everyone here is aware of the horrific injury record of my own side this season. I am sure many of my fellow MANagers are as concerned by the frequency of player injuries and the players treatement at the hands of the RMI health service."
"While the Crimea River medical team are top notch professionals my faith in the RMI health service is... well... flaky at best and so, donning a cunning disguise, I recently faked illness and visited the 'Lord Have Mercy' hospital this past weekend."
"What I uncovered there was, frankly, shocking. And with the ever growing possibility of an Erection I feel it my civic, and politically unbiased, duty to reveal all to the world."
"Nothing seemed out of the ordinary upon my arrival, though the tartly dressed receptionist looked eerily familiar as he fixed his eye-shadow and lip gloss."
"'God Morgon,' the receptionist greeted me as I struggled to place the face. Hastily I explained I had a slight headache and would like to see a doctor. Helpfully the pickled herring scented receptionist showed me to a small waiting room."
"A few minutes later and I was informed Doctor Schlongmann would see me. If only I had put seven and fourteen together and multiplied the result by six at that point I might have been spared what was to come."
"Or if I had paid more attention to the trouser adjusting and saddle-sore like walking of fellow MANager FMRealism as he left the same examining room I was about to enter," the clearly emotional River head coach paused here to catch a brief sob.
"Anyway, unaware of the hand fate played me I entered the room and there was none other than deviant admin SuperGaySchlongMan masquerading as some kind of doctor-slash-high-class-hooker in a disturbingly revealing doctor’s outfit and pointy white stilettos. Fortunately doctor Schlongmann gave no indication of recognising me as my giant plastic nose and oversized moustache disguise fooled him completely."
"Shaken, but unshaken, I explained my symptoms. Rather than the expected prescription of paracetamol and a good rest I was asked to drop my trousers and bend over the examination table! Obviously looking back I should have realised something untoward was afoot but at the time I complied, she was after all the doctor. However when SchlongMan warned me I might feel a small prick in my bottom I hastily made my excuses and left."
"Having seen enough I took the opportunity to investigate the hospital further and stumbled upon the doctor’s staff room where two doctors and several old tramps were playing cards. Edging closer I couldn't help but notice the game being played was strip poker and that the deck was clearly stacked so the doctors would win."
"Then I noticed the doctors in question were none other than our own head honcho Eagles and noted tramp-noncer NobinMeBum and that the poor tramps were being stripped of one thing, their dignity. And self respect."
"Stumbling back out of the room I fled weeping as the sound of suckling, oiling, spanking and spit roasting echoed in my ears."
"Quite lost in haze of confusion and the grip of some surreal nightmare I accidently stumbled into the room of a coma patient. Initially nothing seemed out of place, until I noticed it was the receptionist taking the poor man’s temperature. And with an oddly pink thermometer"
"It was then I realised with horror that the so familiar receptionist was none other than RMI 'stunner' PatrikPatrik from Sweden and the patient was no patient but DomBrownEye and they were playing out some sordid hospital fantasy."
"Unable to witness anymore horrors I finally fled the hospital, brushing past a heavily made up and bandaged Cocks18 and the tortuous cry of 'wanna join my league?', and sought the sanctuary of the nearest lap dancing bar and a stiff drink to calm my shredded nerves."
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I implore you do not allow your injured players to be ambulance to the Lord Have Mercy hospital, or any other of the hospitals in this so called RMI Health Care system. Bodily injuries can be healed but injured pride leaves a lasting scar."
"Fellow RMI MANagers I urge you, if you want a health service that works. A health service you can be proud of. A health service that will not take advantage of your injurious state then vote for Kilie, AJ and that other bloke at the upcoming erection."
"I only hope that AJ's investigation into the RMI admin youth education program at the Kensington Little Boys Club Private School for Kensington Boys was far less harrowing," concluded Ithaqua.
Amateurs bid farewell
Yorkshires Amateurs limped out of the top division this week with a game that really summed up their season. They more than matched The Vikings, their more illustrious opponents but were still on the wrong side of a narrow 1-0 defeat.
The Amateurs actually lost over a quarter of their games this season by 1 goal to 0 and had lady luck smiled that bit more often they may have been celebrating staying in the division.
Manager Danlufc13 was quick to congratulate Eagles on his title winning season but he must now plot his teams return to the top flight in what is sure to be a very competitive division 1.
The Amateurs actually lost over a quarter of their games this season by 1 goal to 0 and had lady luck smiled that bit more often they may have been celebrating staying in the division.
Manager Danlufc13 was quick to congratulate Eagles on his title winning season but he must now plot his teams return to the top flight in what is sure to be a very competitive division 1.
Promoted!
Thats a very good news for the whole club and Pahang United owner because their old timer team now successfully promoted to RMI.
It take too long for us to get promoted. Actually we are the weakest team ever in this league. Full of old players and unconsistency in every matches. I dont know how long we will stay there-RMI, and I will make sure it is forever.
The key of our successful is we got top striker, Strongbow and very helping and creative man in midfield, Eastwood. Both of them played very well but not so consistent because they got "moody" SQ. Too bad. But so far, they never upset me. Maybe we pay their salary on time.
Talk about RMI annually CUP campaign, i do hope to win it but by looking at the contenders, its good enough if we can get through until semi final just like last season cup matches. Win the cup is a bonus for us.
Well good luck for every managers here and see ya next season! Cheers.
It take too long for us to get promoted. Actually we are the weakest team ever in this league. Full of old players and unconsistency in every matches. I dont know how long we will stay there-RMI, and I will make sure it is forever.
The key of our successful is we got top striker, Strongbow and very helping and creative man in midfield, Eastwood. Both of them played very well but not so consistent because they got "moody" SQ. Too bad. But so far, they never upset me. Maybe we pay their salary on time.
Talk about RMI annually CUP campaign, i do hope to win it but by looking at the contenders, its good enough if we can get through until semi final just like last season cup matches. Win the cup is a bonus for us.
Well good luck for every managers here and see ya next season! Cheers.
Transfer Talk
Ahead of the transfer window opening Gooners were quick to release a statement regarding certain players and their avalibility.
"The same set of clubs come back every so often making enquiries about Henry, Lang and Bergkamp... I will send out the same message I reply with each time an enquiry is made. Unless we are talking about a ridiculous amount of money, then you have not even stirred my interest. I see these particular players retiring at the club and while the interest is flattering, no one has come close to being able to make a serious offer, I could even consider. These are consistently good player season on season and these kinds of players dont grow on trees.
On the other hand we have been known to sell on above average players and will listen to serious offers (although consider we are more than happy to keep) for:
Marc Overmars
Nigel Winterburn
Whilst players very much available are:
David Seaman
Freddie Ljungberg
David Rocastle
"The same set of clubs come back every so often making enquiries about Henry, Lang and Bergkamp... I will send out the same message I reply with each time an enquiry is made. Unless we are talking about a ridiculous amount of money, then you have not even stirred my interest. I see these particular players retiring at the club and while the interest is flattering, no one has come close to being able to make a serious offer, I could even consider. These are consistently good player season on season and these kinds of players dont grow on trees.
On the other hand we have been known to sell on above average players and will listen to serious offers (although consider we are more than happy to keep) for:
Marc Overmars
Nigel Winterburn
Whilst players very much available are:
David Seaman
Freddie Ljungberg
David Rocastle
and we all go down
NOoooooooooooooooo...I have the unfortunate position of having to announce that the manager of Bonkers has had a total mental break down as we not be the same ever again. He was last seen being escorted to the hospital with his head firmly placed between his knees. The team finally had their aweful season ended yesterday when the side managed to gain a point away at Greatness but to only be defeated by the fact that the team above them also got a point which meant bonkers are heading to division 2. Terrible news, but hopefulyl with a good CR coming soon the team can bounce right back to the top. A new manager is now in place, same name, but different person. He has the team owrking hard in preparation for the offseason cup, can we knock toetalvoetbal out again, wouldnt that be nice.
Its not a man but a midget!
With manager Paddy Mckeever not allowed to talk to the press while his lawyers prepare their libel suit after "the poor mans News of the world" Willy_Purse spread vicious lies about him and several other esteemed members of the RMI. It was left to club legend Shay Given to speak on Paddy's behalf
"There seems to be a long running theme and undertone to every single thing that comes from Kilie. Its always something to do with some manager being involved in some strange homosexual act. Its commonly known that he does this to cover his own struggles with his attraction to men. Apparently he's far in the closet he's in Narnia by all accounts"
Shay Given gave us a link to a video of R Kelly in what was a 22 chapter story which was entitled after Kilie's own struggles. Its called Trapped in the closet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3Z_VUJ8sRY&feature=related
Given also mentioned that his manager would soon resume talking to the press as his lawyers have discovered there may be absolutely no money to sue Kilie for and Paddy has no need for a scream mask or a webcam.
"There seems to be a long running theme and undertone to every single thing that comes from Kilie. Its always something to do with some manager being involved in some strange homosexual act. Its commonly known that he does this to cover his own struggles with his attraction to men. Apparently he's far in the closet he's in Narnia by all accounts"
Shay Given gave us a link to a video of R Kelly in what was a 22 chapter story which was entitled after Kilie's own struggles. Its called Trapped in the closet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3Z_VUJ8sRY&feature=related
Given also mentioned that his manager would soon resume talking to the press as his lawyers have discovered there may be absolutely no money to sue Kilie for and Paddy has no need for a scream mask or a webcam.
Finish on a high!!
Arsenal DB finished on a big high as they beat Totaalvoetbal 1-0 in the final game of the season. Brown selected all the players with the lowest average form to try and improve them before the CR, this gamble has paid off as they all increased :o)
The Arsenal manager will look back and be proud of what he has done in his first season in the top flight, Brown is looking forward to getting a whole season in charge now to try and improve the squad even more. Brown feels the CR will be an average one at best due to the poor shape the team was in when he took over but the fans have high hopes for next season.
Brown also sent his concrats to the new champs, they showed us all what we need to do to win the title and Brown will be hoping to hold the title himself very soon
The Arsenal manager will look back and be proud of what he has done in his first season in the top flight, Brown is looking forward to getting a whole season in charge now to try and improve the squad even more. Brown feels the CR will be an average one at best due to the poor shape the team was in when he took over but the fans have high hopes for next season.
Brown also sent his concrats to the new champs, they showed us all what we need to do to win the title and Brown will be hoping to hold the title himself very soon
RMFC Lives to Fight Another Day
RMFC are now officially safe and will continue playing in the top flight next year.
Manager Fred Rizzo seemed satisfied with the season at the post match conference.
"We had a decent season I think. For a newly promoted side to finish 5th is a great achievement. The last 3 matches that we won were vital in maintaning our spot in the RMI. Now we hope to make some clever moves in the offseason and improve as a club next season."
Manager Fred Rizzo seemed satisfied with the season at the post match conference.
"We had a decent season I think. For a newly promoted side to finish 5th is a great achievement. The last 3 matches that we won were vital in maintaning our spot in the RMI. Now we hope to make some clever moves in the offseason and improve as a club next season."
KBC are relegate...no! stay!
Kensington Boys Club, by gods grace and other teams even poorer performances, actually stay in division 1. With one match left to play, the point against Pahang guarenteed KBC stay put. Now it's up to the players to learn from this season, gain some strength and take the cup by storm.
Gooners Fate Always In Their Own Hands
Gooners will now have to prepare for the challenge of division one football, the club had expressed it's preference for division two but it never looked likely and FMR was correct in his prediction of goal difference carrying them easily through. Gooners made light work of PSV scoring six whilst keeping a rare clean sheet, Wiltord was the star of the show and managed to score the first two to set Gooners on their way. He has come under much fire from both the fans and manager for his contributions recently but will atleast justify a chance to show he has made some progression and have a proper run of games alongside Henry before FMR makes a final decision.
Gooners without captain and midfield maestro Dennis Bergkamp, still managed to muster an end of season show for the travelling fans! Fabregas having recently being called back to first squad duty managed to add to his impressive first seasons tally, while the ever impressive Henry managed to get in on the action and Borja grabbed some headlines also and seems to have had an immediate impact in midfield. Ljungberg played what may have been his last game and Seaman will certainly not be feeling very comfortable when the window reopens.
We grabbed a few words with the boss as he collected yet another Manager award:
I guess it's great way to end the season and it is also nice to present a little reminder of what we are capable of when an opportunity arises to play a more familiar line up. It has been something of a roller coaster of a season, we started strong but hit a real bad patch form wise, then during that period I took on some more young players and only added to our troubles. It has been a massive task to keep everything in order whilst trying to win the important games but i think we will come out the other side looking better, although we will wait to see the change report before we can call it a sucess. What we do have though is money to invest and will look to use that to attract someone of a very high standard.
While we are happy to have gained promotion, it will only make our plans slightly more difficult to carry out. There where many reasons we preferred another season in division two and I guess the main one was our keeper situation, it now looks like we will have to invest in a new keeper which will not be cheap, had we of remained in division two this could have been delayed a season and more funds channelled towards outfield players. Then for obvious reason we would have preferred to play the younger players alot more and it will be difficult to find a high number of games for them in division one.
All that we can do now is hope our younger looking squad has enough depth to cope next season, it is a finely balanced squad and an injury or suspension to the wrong players could leave us very exposed. We have no plans to bring in any more mature players and are only looking to add young players who can hit the ground running. It has been a hard season for me transfer wise and everyone knows I hate to sell players! So to see Wright, Pires, Lauren, Lukic, Diaby, Viera and even Adams going in the other direction has been hard. We are also planning to sell Ljungberg and possibly Seaman which will end all our sales as far as i can see for sometime.
Obviously bringing in players such as Fabregas, Borja and Lipscombe make things a little easier for me. Fabregas has had the perfect season and I see only good things where that lad is concerned. Borja joined late on but has had an immediate impact and will add even more fire power to the midfield! Lipscombe was a player i simply could not resist buying and will make great progress here. Anelka's season was ruined by a sloppy challenge at Abu Dhabi but if he can manage any sort of improvement we will persist with him.
So lets see what can be done in the window in regards to strengthening the squad and what the change report brings. We still have a core of very talented and experienced players and another promotion is not out of the question, at the same time we are more than aware of the problems we may face with many of our players still very young. As always though we wont be there to simply make up the numbers and I feel that each season i have been here we look to have made real progress.
Now we are looking forward to the RMI cup and a friendly with Tigers, we are looking for a kinder cup run this time round and hoping to go a little further. Also we hope to get any new faces in sooner rather than later and certainly we hope our main purchase will see some cup action. Finally I would like to send my congratulations to all those winners and promoted teams and a special message to Bayern and Legends who I am certain will gain promotion next season! Best of luck next season.
Gooners without captain and midfield maestro Dennis Bergkamp, still managed to muster an end of season show for the travelling fans! Fabregas having recently being called back to first squad duty managed to add to his impressive first seasons tally, while the ever impressive Henry managed to get in on the action and Borja grabbed some headlines also and seems to have had an immediate impact in midfield. Ljungberg played what may have been his last game and Seaman will certainly not be feeling very comfortable when the window reopens.
We grabbed a few words with the boss as he collected yet another Manager award:
I guess it's great way to end the season and it is also nice to present a little reminder of what we are capable of when an opportunity arises to play a more familiar line up. It has been something of a roller coaster of a season, we started strong but hit a real bad patch form wise, then during that period I took on some more young players and only added to our troubles. It has been a massive task to keep everything in order whilst trying to win the important games but i think we will come out the other side looking better, although we will wait to see the change report before we can call it a sucess. What we do have though is money to invest and will look to use that to attract someone of a very high standard.
While we are happy to have gained promotion, it will only make our plans slightly more difficult to carry out. There where many reasons we preferred another season in division two and I guess the main one was our keeper situation, it now looks like we will have to invest in a new keeper which will not be cheap, had we of remained in division two this could have been delayed a season and more funds channelled towards outfield players. Then for obvious reason we would have preferred to play the younger players alot more and it will be difficult to find a high number of games for them in division one.
All that we can do now is hope our younger looking squad has enough depth to cope next season, it is a finely balanced squad and an injury or suspension to the wrong players could leave us very exposed. We have no plans to bring in any more mature players and are only looking to add young players who can hit the ground running. It has been a hard season for me transfer wise and everyone knows I hate to sell players! So to see Wright, Pires, Lauren, Lukic, Diaby, Viera and even Adams going in the other direction has been hard. We are also planning to sell Ljungberg and possibly Seaman which will end all our sales as far as i can see for sometime.
Obviously bringing in players such as Fabregas, Borja and Lipscombe make things a little easier for me. Fabregas has had the perfect season and I see only good things where that lad is concerned. Borja joined late on but has had an immediate impact and will add even more fire power to the midfield! Lipscombe was a player i simply could not resist buying and will make great progress here. Anelka's season was ruined by a sloppy challenge at Abu Dhabi but if he can manage any sort of improvement we will persist with him.
So lets see what can be done in the window in regards to strengthening the squad and what the change report brings. We still have a core of very talented and experienced players and another promotion is not out of the question, at the same time we are more than aware of the problems we may face with many of our players still very young. As always though we wont be there to simply make up the numbers and I feel that each season i have been here we look to have made real progress.
Now we are looking forward to the RMI cup and a friendly with Tigers, we are looking for a kinder cup run this time round and hoping to go a little further. Also we hope to get any new faces in sooner rather than later and certainly we hope our main purchase will see some cup action. Finally I would like to send my congratulations to all those winners and promoted teams and a special message to Bayern and Legends who I am certain will gain promotion next season! Best of luck next season.
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