The press room was again full to bursting point this morning as news leaked of an impending outburst from the Pink Bus manager. The reporters clearly could not contain their feelings of anticipation as they were all writhing naked on the floor together when the almighty Riders boss made his entrance into the room.
"Get off each other for Christ's sake. This is a press room, not a gay-loving room!" boomed the clearly irrate gaffer.
He settled into his seat and said "It is with a heavy heart that I bring you this news" mused the boss "One of my very few friends in this league has turned on me, viciously and without provocation"
"The person in question is...Ithaqua!
"Yes people, it is true. Ith has turned. We were once brothers in each others arms...we are now strangers...there is nothing between us now...the relationship has died"
"In recent days he, inexplicably, attacked my journalism skills claiming I was "a cheap hack". The reason for this attack? Well, I can only put it down to his recently acquired status of VIP. Has it gone to his head? Yes. Has he joined up with the nonce-atrons at the head of the league? Probably. Can he be trusted? Not any more".
The "random" way in which he obtained VIP status is as convincing as Cocks trying to tell us he is straight"
"it saddens me to think back on our days of happiness. We would philosophise, aong with Aj, about lifes great questions. We would obviously be naked, sometimes on a bed...but it felt so right, so pure" he wept as the words left his mouth.
" We would skip, gayly, through the fields wearing nothing but peep-hole bra's. A normal activity for any gent I am sure you will agree...but this is also now a distant memory" he wailed.
Adam Boulton of Sky News stood up to ask a question "Sir, this is unrelated to today's revelations...but can I ask...how big is your bell-end?"
"What the hell is wrong with you man? Does this look like a Q&A session on my gentleman's parts? Security, get this fuck out of my sight immedietely!"
He continued "Ithaqua, I think, must have made an alliance with the Noncing admin of the league. He will as we speak, be writing some kind of bummers poetry as he watches Eagles fudge-nudge Mr Edwards from the OAP. Or perhaps he is penning a gay-haiku as he observes Nobbin suckle from the meaty man-breasts from Carlos, the town tramp"
"Whatever he is doing, the landscape of the RMI has changed forever. I assume Ithaqua will try to defend his actions, his treacherous actions may I add...but I fear that his excuses will be feeble attempts to disguise his new found pomposity after obtaining VIP status"
"Aj, please tell me you are still with me. I need the company of a gent who understands me. Please don't leave me like Ith has. It would kill me"
The enraged boss then left his seat, kicked Eamonn Holmes in the balls and screamed "Fat Bastard" in his face.
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