General Erection - The Health Service

Hot on the heels of Kilie_Gers calling out the RMI hierarchy and requesting, nay demanding, the immediate holding of a General Erection, Crimea River head coach Ithaqua hastily convened a press conference to discuss the outcome of his own undercover investigation into the state of the RMI health service.
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the press association," announced the River head coach, "I think everyone here is aware of the horrific injury record of my own side this season. I am sure many of my fellow MANagers are as concerned by the frequency of player injuries and the players treatement at the hands of the RMI health service."
"While the Crimea River medical team are top notch professionals my faith in the RMI health service is... well... flaky at best and so, donning a cunning disguise, I recently faked illness and visited the 'Lord Have Mercy' hospital this past weekend."
"What I uncovered there was, frankly, shocking. And with the ever growing possibility of an Erection I feel it my civic, and politically unbiased, duty to reveal all to the world."
"Nothing seemed out of the ordinary upon my arrival, though the tartly dressed receptionist looked eerily familiar as he fixed his eye-shadow and lip gloss."
"'God Morgon,' the receptionist greeted me as I struggled to place the face. Hastily I explained I had a slight headache and would like to see a doctor. Helpfully the pickled herring scented receptionist showed me to a small waiting room."
"A few minutes later and I was informed Doctor Schlongmann would see me. If only I had put seven and fourteen together and multiplied the result by six at that point I might have been spared what was to come."
"Or if I had paid more attention to the trouser adjusting and saddle-sore like walking of fellow MANager FMRealism as he left the same examining room I was about to enter," the clearly emotional River head coach paused here to catch a brief sob.
"Anyway, unaware of the hand fate played me I entered the room and there was none other than deviant admin SuperGaySchlongMan masquerading as some kind of doctor-slash-high-class-hooker in a disturbingly revealing doctor’s outfit and pointy white stilettos. Fortunately doctor Schlongmann gave no indication of recognising me as my giant plastic nose and oversized moustache disguise fooled him completely."

"Shaken, but unshaken, I explained my symptoms. Rather than the expected prescription of paracetamol and a good rest I was asked to drop my trousers and bend over the examination table! Obviously looking back I should have realised something untoward was afoot but at the time I complied, she was after all the doctor. However when SchlongMan warned me I might feel a small prick in my bottom I hastily made my excuses and left."
"Having seen enough I took the opportunity to investigate the hospital further and stumbled upon the doctor’s staff room where two doctors and several old tramps were playing cards. Edging closer I couldn't help but notice the game being played was strip poker and that the deck was clearly stacked so the doctors would win."
"Then I noticed the doctors in question were none other than our own head honcho Eagles and noted tramp-noncer NobinMeBum and that the poor tramps were being stripped of one thing, their dignity. And self respect."
"Stumbling back out of the room I fled weeping as the sound of suckling, oiling, spanking and spit roasting echoed in my ears."
"Quite lost in haze of confusion and the grip of some surreal nightmare I accidently stumbled into the room of a coma patient. Initially nothing seemed out of place, until I noticed it was the receptionist taking the poor man’s temperature. And with an oddly pink thermometer"

"It was then I realised with horror that the so familiar receptionist was none other than RMI 'stunner' PatrikPatrik from Sweden and the patient was no patient but DomBrownEye and they were playing out some sordid hospital fantasy."
"Unable to witness anymore horrors I finally fled the hospital, brushing past a heavily made up and bandaged Cocks18 and the tortuous cry of 'wanna join my league?', and sought the sanctuary of the nearest lap dancing bar and a stiff drink to calm my shredded nerves."
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I implore you do not allow your injured players to be ambulance to the Lord Have Mercy hospital, or any other of the hospitals in this so called RMI Health Care system. Bodily injuries can be healed but injured pride leaves a lasting scar."
"Fellow RMI MANagers I urge you, if you want a health service that works. A health service you can be proud of. A health service that will not take advantage of your injurious state then vote for Kilie, AJ and that other bloke at the upcoming erection."
"I only hope that AJ's investigation into the RMI admin youth education program at the Kensington Little Boys Club Private School for Kensington Boys was far less harrowing," concluded Ithaqua.