Dear God, how could they?!

The Pink Bus gaffer this week had promised the public further revelations with reference to the privates lives of certain RMI managers.

The assembled press were throbbing with anticipation. Sky Sports' Richard Keys even had to selotape his donger to his thigh to ensure it didn't end up somewhere it shouldn't!

The Riders boss waltzed in to the press room sporting a black pair of crotchess panties, a breast enhancing bra and the sluttiest pair of knee boots you have ever laid eyes on.

"Well, well well" mused the gaffer "What I have to report this week is beyond filth. The deviancy levels to which the managers in question will stoop to has dived to levels unheard of in human history"

"Let me start at the beginning. I was browsing through the local newspaper, merely days after I revealed the horrific OAP noncing at Eagles' new nursing home, when I saw an advert entitled..."RMI Mother and baby creche and playgroup"

"I thought to myself that perhaps the admin team of this league had finally decided to do something decent by opening up a group where the wives of the RMI managers can meet for coffee and chats whilst their babies got the chance to interact with other infants"

"Oh how wrong I was. How wrong was I? I was super wrong! I was uber-wrong! I coud not have been wronger if I had tried. Put simply, I was wrong"

"I decided to go to the group to interview some of the mothers in the hope I could finally issue a positive story about the RMI heirarchy. As soon as I walked into the room...I saw something so horrific it pains me to tell you what it was" he wept.

"After a few seconds...I actually fainted with shock, I couldn't comprehend what I was seeing. After a short while I started to wake up, hoping I had suffered some kind of horrendous sexual nightmare, however as I composed myself I realised what I had seen was very real indeed"

"Just spit it out for fucks sake!" screamed BBC correspondent David Dimbleby as he stroked his mighty phallus in the back row.

"Right, ok then...here we go" the manager readied himself and continued...

"...Several high ranking RMI and CPU managers had all met in a large room. Half of them were dressed up as mothers...the other half were dressed up as babies!"

"I scanned the room. I shall now tell you what I saw each individual doing..."

"Cocks18 was pretending to be a mother, he worse a plaid skirt with tights and a floral blouse...he appeared to be cradling an overgrown baby towards his bosom...this manager was....SuperGaySchlongMan!!!"

"Yes people, Cocks18 was pretending to breastfeed GaySchlong! Cocks was stroking GaySchlongs hair, saying things like "theres a good boy, who is mummys little sweetie? does that taste nice poppet? awwww mummy loves you"

"I vomited, however I pulled myself together and looked towards the next pair of weirdos. Next I saw Eagles, he appeared to be dressed as a teenage mother, he had over sized earrings in, his hair was bleached blonde and scraped back into a tight ponytail and he was wearing the tartiest little dress I have ever seen. Eagles was on his knees in front of a baby changing mat, he had his "baby" on the mat...I moved a few feet to one side to see who the manager was...it was NobbinMeBum!!!"

"Nobbin was gargling "Mummy, Nobbin had a poo in nappy, clean me mummy", Eagles replied "Aww you dirty little boy, Mummy will have to spank your botty if you poo yourself again. Mummy loves you though". Eagles then, inexplicably, started to wipe Nobbins posterior with a babywipe! Both gents were clearly sexually aroused, which made this image all the more disturbing"

"I scanned the room one more time. I saw something else...this time I saw Kensington Little Boys Club manager Patrick and Crimson Tigers boss Paulc (MSE spy extraordnaire) both dressed up in babygrows and sucking each others...dummies!"

Once GaySchlong had fnished feeding and Nobbin had got his botty cleansed and a new nappy put on...all 6 managers walked to the centre of the room, undressed each other, stood in a cricle, spanked each other and then did a naked version of the hokey kokey! Only they were shaking their gentlemans parts abouts instead of their left leg!"

"I ran out of the room, vomit spewing from me. I heard in the background the unmistakable sounds of man-love ensuing. I was so happy i missed the man-o-man gang bang"

"People of the RMI, I feel that this is one step too far. Pretending to be mothers and babies? That is just wrong. I propose that now is the time for change"

"I hereby request that the people of the RMI demand that the admin team call the very first RMI GENERAL ERECTION. I shall stand for election of course. I ask, nay plead, for your vote. We must not allow this corrupt team to continue representing us. We can't be ruled by people who get sexually aroused over booby-milk and poopy nappies in the name of Christ!"

"Vote for change, vote for me in the General Erection"

The boss then stood up, head-butted the physio and skipped gleefully out of the room.