Shuttlewood shuttles off?

In what Paddy Mckeever described as a "David Unsworth moment" Rodney Shuttlewood has left Padston Villa after 7 days at the club.

"Rodney is a great bloke but clearly whipped and not the sharpest knife in the draw as he said his wife wanted him to be nearer to home, when he signed we were on our pre season tour of Swansea and I think he thought that's where the club was actually based, though I remember telling him many times we had to head back to birmingham, I think he thought that was some sort of punishment for the squad and in a way I guess it is!"

"He was in great form in training and in the one match he played for the club but realising his mistake he asked if he could possibly move, so I contacted our good friends in Cardiff, Splott Rovers and we worked out a mutually beneficial deal. They get Shuttlewood and we get Canadian international defender Remy Gambit and some cash, I must admit its a great deal for us making an instant profit and solving our defensive woes and I think given his form and ability its also a fantastic deal for Splott. There will be no hard feelings when we play them on tuesday"

When asked about his other transfer dealings Mckeever had this to say

"We needed a new long term keeper and I really liked the look of young Dustin Moss so we traded him with AFC Stanley for Micah Richards, Richards is one of my favourite players but we felt one good season would give Moss the chance to be our keeper for years to come and generally add to the long term value of the side."

"We also offloaded one of our highest earners in Sapienza and we got a decent amount of money for him and another good young keeper in Rosadilla, Rosadilla knows the score, he has a month to a season to show me he's worth his place in the squad otherwise we'll sell him on and overall that'll be very financially beneficial to this club."

"I also saved Tolkein from the dole que in a deal with another club we're friendly with Gooners and like Rosadilla he's got a month to a season to prove he's worth his place in this squad and if not we'll also make profit there enabling us to compensate for any retirements"

We also asked Mckeever about rumours Cathal Brennan favourite Johnny Douglas might be leaving the club so soon after joining

"Everyone at the club already loves Johnny, he's going to be a fantastic player if he gets a good season under his belt, its just that despite my billionaire status most of my money is tied up in shares of cheese rope. Its a cheese string alternative that hasn't really taken off so money is tight and there's a reasonable chance I'll be bankrupt soon. So if the right deal is available Johnny would probably be the one to go to raise money for some more quality in midfield and one or two younger players. We'll have to see what actually happens, I guess its Johnnys job to make himself indispensable and other clubs jobs to make a good deal! Though I have heard rumours if Cath leaves Villarreal he might be looking to be reunited with Douglas, though I don't know if he means in a transfer or if he just wants them to get back together after their turbulent yet loving relationship when Douglas played for Cath"

Asked why he had been so quiet for most of pre season Mckeever said
"I thought Cath had been doing enough talking for everyone and I've been pretty busy with my new album coming out, its got guest vocals from all the top singers and rappers, Chico, Andy Murray, John Barnes, Nelson Mandela, all the greats really! Also I tend to be busy making deals in pre season and also I'm pretty sane before the pressure of the season gets to me and I start eating lots of sweets with e numbers in and getting so drunk on shandy bass that I wake up four days later having missed the whole weeks training and trying to figure out how I'm going to find my way back in time for our next match when I've just woken up on a fish boat on a canal in Belgium!"

Mckeever still crazy? We think so but is he managerial genius? probably not! but we won't know for sure at least until the end of the season.