In 1972, a crack coaching unit was sent to prison by a Football Association court for a crime they didn't commit (probably). They promptly escaped from a minimum security stockade to the Birmingham underground. Today, still wanted by Fifa, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no-one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the Pad Team.
*que up beat up tempo rock music that is very familiar to but in no way related to the A team theme tune*
Led by Paddy "Hannibal" Mckeever a master of tactics and disguise which helps him to tactically outwit his opponents and also makes his players behave as they never know when he could be watching, these unorthodox but loveable characters have pitched up at Padston Villa, a club that was in dire straights and needed help. Using only the contents of a garden shed and some hose pipes they have built a state of the art training complex and youth facility which is the envy of clubs around the world.
The rest of the "Pad Team" consists of:
Assistant manager Ronan "Face" Keating, he is nicknamed "Face" because of his ability to use his looks to charm female chief executives around the world during transfer negotiations.
First team coach Macho Man Randy "B.A." Savage, he is nicknamed "B.A." as he will never stand for players having a "Bad Attitude". He used his skills with a blow torch to pretty much single handedly assemble the clubs new facilities. A fantastic coach who the players have a healthy fear for, his only weakness is a fear of flying. For the clubs games abroad he can be heard shouting "I aint getting on no plane" the rest of the "Pad Team" tend to slip a sedative into his milk and stick him in the cargo bay of the plane, waking him upon his arrival. Like I said these guys are unorthodox.
And last but not least we have club physiotherapist, doctor and transport manager Judi "Howling Mad" Dench. The rest of the team regularly refer to her as crazy and she tends to use that craziness to motivate injured players during their rehabilitation and to diffuse any rows between the management and players. She is also a trained pilot and flies one of the clubs fleet of planes to take the team to away games.
They have been heavily pursued by Sepp Blatter, Michel Platini and their many goons but after a crazy gun fight that the heavily outnumbered "Pad Team" won where somehow not one single person got remotely hurt, despite many explosions including a helicopter crashing into a mountain, a car full of people hurtling 400ft off a cliff and a bunker massively exploding they have finally agreed to back off. Though if Padston Villa fail to achieve promotion they said they will be back.
The "Pad Team" haven't been at Padston Villa long but their unorthodox methods seem to be working. Maybe they can finally stop running and put down some roots at this once terrible but now great club. We look forward to the season commencing.
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