Quid Sin

In the mere weeks since Crimea River head coach Ithaqua had made his billions investing in the white ankle sock industry rumours were rife that a recent investment bordering on pure folly had left the charismatic coach on the verge of pennylessness and destitution and ruin.

So it was with a level of surprise echoing on the Richter scale that the assembled press hacks greeted the head coach as he swaggered into the River press room quaffing champagne from a pint glass.
"You know... I was at something of a low ebb recently," slurred the clearly slightly worse for wear head coach, "perhaps the heady aromas of slightly sweaty white ankle socks had finally got to me. Perhaps I momentarily lost my senses with the euphoria and slightly narcotic effects, but yes I can confirm I once again invested heavily my entire fortune."

"In what? Is that I hear you ask? Well, in that moment of madness and blinded by a giant cheque held before my eyes, I signed a contract to both invest in, and officially endorse a mystery product."

"A product that, unfortunately, did not live up to its undoubted potential and left me facing the prospect of bankruptcy as sales nosedived."

"Now, I am not a religious man but in those dark days I prayed for salvation. For a saviour. And as hope faded like the colour from FMR's face as his side lose again despite having set the best tactics ever and the nights looked at their darkest since the clocks went back an hour those prayers were answered."

"Everything I have again I owe to a MANager in this very league. A prince among men. A Colossus standing among Titans standing among Giants.”

“Ladies and gentlemen of the press once again I am indebted to one kilie_gers for restoring my good fortune."

"And, you know, let me tell you something about _gers," here the coach paused briefly to wipe a salty tear from his eye, "whatever you may think about him this is a man who once had biblical relations with his own sister at an awards ceremony in another league. This is a man who once spelled DV wrong on a managerial job application form resulting in a hasty trip to a doctor's surgery. With hilarious consequences."

"A man like that you should respect ladies and gentlemen. Respect."

"Anyway, where was I? Ah yes. Now I am unaware of the whole story but eye-witnesses report that in a private conversation with one Dom Monster Truck Racing Brown that _gers off-handidly mentioned, and I have the quote here, 'up and down every month? a (sic) bit like Ithaqua panties in a gay club'."

"Now, and I feel it is important to clear this up, _gers was clearly talking about Ithaqua branded panties, the aforementioned investment I had made. The lack of an apostrophe and an 's' clearly indicate that he was not actually talking about the underwear I wear under there."

"Within moments of _gers quote being typed the interwebs lit alight with talk of these frictionless panties which could be pulled off and on at a moment’s notice, in case of say fire or something, and our server crashed under the weight of orders from men around the globe. Some from within this very league. And of course Kylie."

“And with my riches restored I must bid you adieu ladies and gentlemen of the press, I have to go and buy several banks to store my cash,” concluded the sickeningly wealthy head coach.