Clarifying the situation.

The Undergarments manager was fizzing with rage this afternoon as he took his seat at the front of the press room.

"First things first you bunch of bastards...there has been a lot of nonsense written about me this week and let me tell you this, I am not at all happy about it!" he squealed.

"The admin of this league, YMCA, was the first to talk shite about me this week claiming I sent him a naked photograph of myself. To be honest, that was true, but he failed to tell you why I sent the photo"

"Here is a copy of an email sent to myself from YMCA, hopefully this will help you all understand why I sent a pornographic image of myself" he teased.

Dear Kilie

As you know, I am the admin of this league and what I say goes! This is what I need from you, I need you to send to me a naughty photograph of yourself wearing nothing but white ankle socks. I want it to be full frontal and I want you to be biting your lip whilst winking and wanking.

If you don't do this I will come round to your house and shit in your pillow, jizz in your VCR player and steal your Little House on the Prairie novels.

Yours, YMCA.

P.S Yes, I am homosexual and I make love to NobbinMeBum thrice fortnightly.

"So, fair minded press officers of the RMI, you can see why I sent the photograph can't you? I am sure you all would have done the same thing" he concluded.

"Boss, what about the recent rumours of a league shake up and you being part of the admin team?" asked a sexually aroused Enid Blyton.

"Blyton, get the fuck out of this room. You're not a press officer at all you disease ridden whore" he blasted

"But it is a fair question" he continued. "I have heard various rumours circulating about a shake up and that I might be invited to join the team and I have to say I am intrigued. If I was asked to join YMCA's admin team I would have to seriously consider it"

"Let's be honest, league admin assistants are rarely sexually molested by the admin himself so that has to be a major factor in my decision. I am sick of being touched up all the time by that pervert" mused the Garments gaffer.

"In fact, I shall say now if I am asked to join the team then I would accept. I feel it is my duty to try and bring some respect and decorum back to the RMI"

"As for the other names being banded about as possible assistants. I can't comment on them...apart from that I don't like any of them at all. They are all fannies of the highest order and should have been shot years ago. But I shall reserve judgment on them...they are nobbers though, especially Ithaqueer" he proclaimed.

"Right, thats all you're getting from me today. Can you all kindly piss off and leave me to touch myself in peace"

These comments from the rational and balanced manager are sure to send ripples of excitement through the RMI.