The manager of the Undies looked enraged and he took his seat at the front of the press room this morning.
"This club is in a shocking state of affairs. The previous manager has neglected this place so much it is unreal. He was clearly a nobhead of the highest order"
"How can you improve your players in such a short space of time?" asked a provocatively dressed Ewok.
"Players? I don't give a toss about them or their DV. That isn't my concern"
"So what is your concern?" whimpered the Shake n' Vac lady
"My concern is with the DV value of this clubs cleaning ladies! They have been savagely underworked and this club is a shit tip because of this!" he boomed
"Mavis has DV of 3, she has only worked 1 shift all season! How in the name of Christ almighty am I supposed to run a club when it looks like a tramps bail hostel?"
"I have instigated a brutal timetable of cleaning that all cleaning ladies must now adhere to in an attempt to get their DV up to my high standards. They will work double shifts until the end of the season and I am going to work them to the bone" he roared. "I have put Janet on permanent latrine duty to ensure she meets the grade, she has been a lazy mare so far this season and I won't stand for it"
"I want to get Brenda up to 16 DV so I can flog her to Debenhams...I will miss her peachy arse though...shame" he mused
"On a final note, can I respectfully request that the gents do their best to hit the urinal with their wee-wee from now on? We are all grown up in this room and I am sure you can all stop playing hose wars in the gents after press conferences. I thank you" he concluded.
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