Ith the Right Choice

A shiver of anticipation coursed through the Crimea River press room this morning as club press officer Helen Earth announced that multi millionaire playboy and club head coach Ithaqua would finally break his several month long press silence.
"Good morning," enthused long time missing coach, "and thank you all for coming. Before we begin I would just like to take a moment to address recent claims by one Ajtrader100. I guess we all know Mr Trader has a temperament bordering on borderline at best but I, for the life of me, cannot fathom his recent frothy-mouthed press statement."

"Now I am not sure who read election expose to him but clearly some of the bigger words must have confused Mr Trader. So, to clarify, the report was published on respected Crimean news website Kafa by Pulitzer prize winning reporter Edna Clouds based on sources from within the RMI high command. At no point was I approached for, or did I offer to, comment on the investigation. Hopefully that will put that matter to bed."
"I would also like to take this opportunity to thank one Mr Kilie_gers. As I am sure some of you are well aware I recently won a substantial amount on the Euromillions lottery. Acting on a tip-off from a "source in the know" I recently invested those winnings in the white ankle sock industry. An industry you are also no doubt aware that has seen orders and profits explode in the wake of Mr _gers revelations about the preferences of RMI league overlord INXS. Now I can bathe in cash and Jamaican rum every night and it is all thanks to Kilie."
"Moving onto matters a little more recent. I can assure you I was more stunned than anyone to see I have been nominated as part of Admin Idol. Clearly there can only be one winner here and, in true political style, I am not here to tell you to vote for me but instead why should not vote for the other candidates."
"Franco Mussolini Mosley Killemall Realism, or as you may know him FMRealism, currently leads the standings and all I can ask myself is why? This is a man who within minutes cried about getting no votes despite being the mastermind behind a massive familial conspiracy to stitch up the contest from the get go."

"A plan Mr Realism might have got away with had he not given the game away by voting for someone else so sure was he of his victory! He has already deviously misled Riversideshep and appears to have hoodwinked DomBrown too. Is this the sort of amoral criminal mastermind we want helping to run this league. I don not know about you but I, for one, am convinced this league needs less Realism."
"Moving on we come to Carbonmonoxide. Now Carbonmonoxide is a man I know little about, but I did some research and what I found was shocking. Simply shocking stuff. Apparently Carbonmonoxide is colourless, odourless and poisonous to humans. Poisonous. To. Humans."

"Also Carbonmonoxide is denser than air, and air is not particularly smart at the best of times, hence the term "air-head" or Donna Air. Finally the chemical symbol for Carbonmonoxide is CO, or Conscientious Objector. Do we really want a Conscientious Objector running this league? I think not. Vote No to objectionable, stupid and poisonous in the RMI!"
"What can I say about Sqiurecoley that has not already been said before. Actually there is not much I know about Sqiurecoley. But I can say this I am pretty sure he is a cad and bounder of the highest order. And he probably kicks puppies."

"Also he is neither ninja or pirate and can easily be discounted from the contest for that reason alone."
"Ajtrader100. A MANager I really cannot say a bad word about. The man is a tool and no doubt about it."
"If you need a job done then Aj is just the tool you need. Subtle as a sledgehammer to the nutsacks mind but a handy tool to have around just the same. Obviously his mental instability is an issue. As well as his apparent inability to read. Perhaps of most concern though is Mr Traders apparent unwillingness to ever give a straight answer to three simple questions, to wit: What is an "Aj"? Why would one trade in them? And what happened to the first 99 Ajtraders?"
"Finally we get to the RMI version of a personality black hole, Kilie_gers. Let us take a quick look at the edited highlights of the _gers manifesto, "Destroy the admin team and the plebs...no peasants shall be heard!", "I promise to molest, sexually or otherwise, any member of the league (a promise I will make)", "I has no idea what DV is.", "I shall hold balls" and "I fight naked". Hoisted by his own petard I feel."
"However the deciding factor in this election will not be who you or I vote for but where The-Admin-Formerly-Known-As-Paddy and however many accounts he is running these days places their block vote." concluded the controversial, and nouveau riche, head coach.