Cumming slams Totaal dive as United held

A mixture of bad refereeing and good cheating on the part of Totaalvoetbal contributed to Flare United failing to pick up their first win of the season earlier this week. Flare United started off strong in the first half, much to the confusion of an overconfident Totaalvoetbal side who expected the current basement club to sit back and wait to hit them on the break.

Going in for a hard but legal tackle, Jeremy Cumming was left amused when Martin van Buren dove onto the pitch clutching his crotch when he had made only the slightest bit of contact on the Totaal midfielder's foot after winning the ball. Referee Laura Norder, however, bought Van Buren's act, which was made to look more realistic with Totaal manager RobinMeeblind quickly taking off the Dutch midfielder.

The outrageousness of the incident dampened the hosts' good start, though talismanic captain and forward Ernie Ormondroyd did manage to put his side ahead with a stunning freekick in the 39th minute.

In the second half, United finally decided to play into Totaal's hands when Izuka told the team to sit back and defend, believing that his team would be able to keep Totaal out. For most of the match, they did, and even created a couple of chances for themselves. However, the home side's hopes were broken towards the end of the game when van Buren made his way to the Totaal bench wearing a crotch cast. Cumming, for one, broke down and started crying, fearing that he had ruined the youngster's career.

The high emotional levels of the United players hampered their playing, and Raimundo Tena managed to slip a through ball to the offside Zlatan Izuhimovic, who played under Izuka at OAP Pop Punk. However, referee Laura Norder, busy staring at van Buren's crotch, again made a bad blunder, allowing play to continue and awarding a goal after Izuhimovic hit the side netting after failing to get past an alert Alex Bogefeldt.

All United's sympathy evaporated after the game, though, after Cumming caught van Buren with his cast, and pants, down in the washroom and hit the target with a well-placed left boot. The young midfielder then stormed to his team's dressing-room and raged at his team, who then proceeded to the dressing room to make it 11-0 to Flare United over Martin van Buren. As a result, van Buren has picked up a real injury and will be out of action for the next few days.

"That was a horrible bit of acting and refereeing. I've always said we should not have women as referees unless they have more qualifications than a fit body and skimpy referee clothing," ranted Jeremy Cumming to the press after the game.